Dreams of Ambrosia
by iridescence
Summary: Shaoran and Sakura are still in love after 15 years... or so Tomoyo thinks.
1. Lilac Soliloquy

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
I love Shaoran x Tomoyo fics! Yay for random pairings!   
  
But please don't flame me for a reason like 'I don't like the pairing'! If you don't like it, you prolly won't want to read this fic. I don't doubt they'll be more than a little OOC, it'd be really hard to keep them in character and still pair them up (at least hard for me). But I'll try my best!   
  
Oh, and its most likely really sappy and cliche and dramatic and stuff cause that's all I can write, it seems. I honestly think that sap should be a category. For all the lovely people that want to read goosh. ^_^  
  
~~~~~Chapter 1: Lilac Soliloquy~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
I'm beginning to see just how thin the line between love and hate really is.  
  
When my mother was too busy to spend time with me, she was always there, smiling, making me feel a part of things. In school, I was always the 'quiet rich girl' and 'a little weird'; I never had many friends. I was too different... yet she welcomed me with open arms; she made me her friend, told me secrets. She could read my emotions. When I was sad, she always tried her hardest to make me feel better. Finding out that we're related only made her more important to me.  
  
And the costumes! I always loved fashion, and she made the perfect model. It was like a child's game of playing fashion designer, dressing up dolls, but better- I had a real, live doll. She always let me videotape her wearing my creations. Maybe I had some silly dream that someone would realize my love of design, that I would find myself designing clothes rather than running my mother's business. I don't know. It's an impossible dream, anyway.   
  
But Sakura's always been there for me. Somehow, she knows what's important to me and tries her hardest to help.  
  
Why does she have to be so goddamn fucking *perfect*?  
  
I know people think I'm in love with her. I even play along, sometimes, because I know they'll believe it. It's better than letting them know who my heart truly belongs to. That would just mess everyone's lives up.   
  
I, Tomoyo Daidouji, am in love with Shaoran Li.   
  
And that's something I can never say. I know he doesn't return my feelings. And I'd much rather he be happy than have my love returned.   
  
I've always been that way. Maybe I'm just a masochist at heart. But I'm glad he doesn't love me, anyway. If he did, it would break Sakura's heart. And I can't be the cause of that.  
  
I should have known things would turn out this way. The two people I love most, in love with each other. They're perfect for one another, happy together. And, honestly, I can't bring myself to be jealous of her; she's my best friend. I would never forgive myself if I destroyed our friendship.   
  
It's no fun being a third wheel.  
  
It hurts. It hurts that he will never love me, it hurts that I can't bring myself to be happy for my two best friends, it hurts when I see them together. I feel like I'm bleeding to death. I hate myself for letting this happen to me. But I can't help it!  
  
People say 'talking about it helps'. But, whom could I talk to? There's no one I trust enough to tell, save Meilin or maybe Eriol. But Eriol is so far away, and Meilin's feelings about Shaoran...  
  
What would happen if Shaoran found out? I don't even want to think about it! It would destroy our friendship.  
  
It's easier to live with unrequited love. I'd rather suffer myself than hurt my friends. Oh, great, I sound like a martyr. I'm definitely thinking too much. If I stop harping on it, maybe it will be easier to deal with my crush on Shaoran.  
  
After all, it *is* just a crush, isn't it? Isn't it?!  
  
So, should I tell him or not? I could always make it seem like a joke, like I'm only half serious. I'd still be telling him, wouldn't I?  
  
People are always telling me how much they would love to be me. 'You're beautiful,' they say. 'You have a charming personality.' 'You're so smart.' 'You have everything you could ever want.' They don't really know me at all. They don't know what goes on inside of me. They're just too shallow to realize that the me on the outside may seem entirely agreeable, but the me on the inside is miserable. She's definitely not as happy and innocent as they seem to think. She isn't beautiful, or smart; she's lonely, and angry with herself. She's a horrible person, in love with her best friend's boyfriend. And, of course, she's human, just like they are.   
  
They see me smile, and think it's because I'm patient, optimistic. I wish I could be the Tomoyo they see, instead of the Tomoyo inside. The real me is nothing but a weak girl who has been hiding behind a facade all her life.  
  
To confess or not? A question with a simple yes or no answer. Why is it such a freaking hard decision to make? I want to get it off my mind. But I'm afraid. Would it hurt more if I told him? Would it ruin everything?  
  
I think it would; this scenario plays in my mind and haunts my dreams much more often than I'd like. Every time, I wind up with a broken heart; they wind up together, and I wind up alone.   
  
I've heard that, by loving someone, you are breaking someone else's heart. I know that it's killing me to love Shaoran; he loves Sakura, and will never love me. And if he did love me, it would destroy Sakura.   
  
Sometimes you just can't win.  
  
It's not that I'm desperate for a boyfriend. I've been asked out before; I've always turned them down. Nothing really seemed to click; I figured I just hadn't met the right guy yet. Heh, how pathetic; in my twenties and I've never even been kissed.  
  
Meeting the right guy... how long have I liked Shaoran, anyway? A week? A month? A year? ...Since I met him? Maybe.   
  
At least since I convinced him to confess to Sakura... that hurt more than I care to admit. Ooh, bad, bad, bad. Am I really in love with Shaoran? Is this what love is?  
  
If it is, it's definitely not all that it's cracked up to be. Somewhat equivalent to death by slow, painful torture. I'll take the bullet now, please.   
  
Death... What would it be like if I died?   
  
Would it destroy anyone to know that I'm gone?   
  
Of course, my mother would miss me. I am her only child, after all, and I know she loves me, even though she's never had much time for me.   
  
I know that Sakura and Shaoran would care. After all, it's been 15 years. 15 years since Sakura captured all the cards, 15 years since Shaoran confessed his feelings to Sakura. Since then, they've always been together. *We've* always been together. Sakura's determined to include me; I see the two of them more than I see my own mother. Well, that might not be the best example, considering I never see my mother. Anyway.  
  
But friendship just isn't the same kind of love. Would anyone feel like a piece of their heart died with me? Does anybody need me that much?  
  
15 years is a long time... much too long to suffer an unrequited love. Why is it so hard to give up on him? Why won't my subconscious give into reason? Doesn't it realize my mind is on the brink of destruction?  
  
~~~~~lilacs represent the 'beautiful sadness of love'  
  
~~~~~ambrosia signifies love returned  
  
(I know flowers have lots and lots of different meanings- but these are the ones I'm going with, k?)  
  
...don't worry! I promise I won't kill off Tomoyo!  
  
~please review! 


	2. 99 White Roses

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap. Please don't flame me! If you don't like it, then don't read it, okay?  
  
Thanks lots and lots to my first two reviewers, Serenity Blossom and 'nobody special'! ^^  
  
~~~~~Chapter 2: 99 White Roses~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
"Oh! Tomoyo-chan! You're here!"   
  
Sakura is always so cheerful. I wonder; does anything ever get to her the way things get to me? Probably not. She's perfect, after all. Not that I'm jealous or anything. Jealously is most unbecoming. Well, maybe I'm just a little envious.   
  
Just a little.  
  
"Hello, Sakura-chan, Li-kun!"  
  
"... hey." Shaoran has such a warm, gentle smile on his face... no wonder Meilin, Sakura, and I all fell for him. He's so handsome, and sweet, too.  
  
Laconic as he is, I love being with Shaoran. He lets his emotions speak for him. He's passionate, fiercely defends what's important to him, and he's got such a kind heart. Now, if only he would feel passionately about me, defend me... hell, I'd be happy if he'd even call me by my given name.  
  
No, it's actually better that that *doesn't* happen. I really don't need *more* reason to like him. I'm having enough trouble as it is.   
  
I wonder what it would be like to die? I wonder how much it hurts?   
  
"Tomoyo-chan! What do you wa-"  
  
I hate working for my mother.   
  
I hate being alone.  
  
If I died, that would end, wouldn't it?  
  
Would death hurt more than this? More than I would be able to bear?  
  
"Eh? Tomoyo-chan? Something wrong?"  
  
I'm not afraid of death.   
  
"O-oi! Tomoyo!"  
  
W-what? Shaoran? Looking around, I see Sakura's worried face... oh, yeah. She invited us over for dinner. Wait... Tomoyo? Shaoran called me *Tomoyo*?   
  
Maybe I am important after all.  
  
"Uh, yeah?" Wow. Intelligent. I surprise myself sometimes.   
  
"Tomoyo-chan, are you okay? You've been staring into space for the past few minutes with a strange look on your face... you haven't even been blinking!"  
  
"Yes, I'm fine! I'm sorry for making you worry... I was just thinking. I'm little tired. I've got a lot on my mind lately, you know, with Christmas and all." Flawless smile. All right, I think this situation's under control.  
  
"Oh, yeah... your mother's on that business trip, I guess it must be a lot of work running the business yourself. Wanna call it a night then? After dinner, of course. We can go out for coffee tomorrow or something. I just love weekends! No work, just the three of us doing whatever we want! So much fun!"  
  
I can't help but laugh at that. She always manages to cheer me up, even if just a little. Obviously *someone* hasn't changed much the past decade or so. I wish I could be as carefree as Sakura. Or, as Eriol might have... tactfully put it, 'oblivious'. I wonder how he's doing, anyway?  
  
"No, I'm fine! After all, we can't waste our precious time together! Only... 60 hours left until Monday morning!"  
  
"59 and a half! But who's counting? Let's do something fun!"  
  
Okay, there is only so much to talk about after a while, no matter how close you are. I think I've about reached my limit... I'm reduced to watching Kero play his video games on the tv.   
  
...I should be honest with myself... that's not really my problem. I'm finding it kind of hard not to stare at Shaoran. The bronze color of his skin, his beautiful eyes, soft lips... I wonder what it would be like to kiss him? Ack! Bad Tomoyo! Don't think about that! He's Sakura's! And you're starting to sound like a cheap romance novel!  
  
Kero died *again*... fourth time in a row. For some reason, I had thought he was actually *good* at these games.  
  
I look up. You don't need magic to know someone's watching you. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Hey, Tomoyo... is Kero's game really that interesting?" Shaoran asks.  
  
Uh-oh, blush coming on. He called me Tomoyo twice in the past hour! "Well, sort of! You see, my mother's been looking into making games like this, so I wanted to see what they were like... and Kero's so into them, I figured watching him play would be a good idea." Okay, so it was a lie... but could I do? Say, 'Yeah, Li, you're so gorgeous it's distracting and I was afraid I would throw myself at you if I didn't find something to divert my attention?' That would have gone over well.  
  
"Ooh, Tomoyo-chan, always thinking about work! Come on, you've got to relax a little! Even if Christmas is coming, the toy company can wait until Monday!"  
  
"Yes, you're right... again, I'm sorry. Maybe I will go home early... I'm sure I'll be back to my old self tomorrow. I haven't had a full night's sleep all week! Thanks for having me over. I'll call you in the morning, okay?"  
  
"All right Tomoyo-chan! Sleep well! And don't worry about work so much! Everything will be fine! After all, it always is, isn't it?"  
  
Wow, someone's a little too optimistic for her own good. Or maybe I'm just getting cynical. Damn, there is seriously something wrong with me lately! I mean, I admit it. I've liked Shaoran for years, but I've never had a problem before! My facade was flawless! Everyone's always been fooled into believing I'm cool and collected! I do *not* show emotion unless I want to! Where did I go wrong?!   
  
Gotta calm down. The temper tantrum in my head isn't exactly helping me regain my poise. Breathe, girl. You can hate yourself later.  
  
"Okay! Thanks! Good night, guys!"  
  
"Wait... I'll walk you home."  
  
Whoa, what did he just say?!  
  
~~~~~white roses mean 'silence' as well as 'the mortal power of love, which is as strong as death'.  
  
~~~~~99 roses mean 'I will love you all the days of my life'.  
  
sorry this chapter was kinda short... I'll make the next one longer, promise!   
  
Reviews would be awfully nice... ^_^ 


	3. Butterfly Orchids

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo fic ^^ It's sappy, so if you can't stand that (which is most understandable) you may not want to read it.  
  
Thanks to Serenity Blossom and D a r k n e s s in H e a r t for reviewing... you guys rock ^^!!!!!!  
  
Hope everyone likes this chapter!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 3: Butterfly Orchids~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
Just what the hell is wrong with her lately? Suddenly spacing out like that and all. Gods, Tomoyo's been acting weird lately. I mean, I know that it happens to everyone sometimes, but she's been doing that an awful lot lately... and the look on her face is so distant, so sad... I feel like she's falling deeper and deeper into an endless abyss, and I can't do anything to stop her, all I can do is watch. It hurts to see her like this... and I don't believe her excuses at all. 'Kero's game is so interesting'? Yeah, sure. I've watched that stuffed animal play before; it's coma-inducing! Right up there with watching paint dry. There's something on her mind.  
  
I wish she would open up to me, damnit!   
  
Not that she has any reason to, of course. I'm a little reticent myself. Okay, maybe a lot. And I never really said or did anything to make her know how much I care.  
  
That might be because I care a little too much for my own good.  
  
Sure, there's nothing abnormal about falling for a girl I've known half my life, especially when said girl is charming and absolutely beautiful. Long, dark hair and creamy, pale skin, not to mention the seemingly effortless grace in everything she does... okay. If I wasn't so infatuated, I'm sure I'd be making myself sick, not to mention the fact that I'm straying from the point. That point being, things are a little more complicated than I'd like them to be.  
  
I never asked to be the future head of the Li clan. It's not that I'm ashamed, on the contrary; that's an honor I'm grateful to have been granted. But, when I become head, I will need to produce an heir. Preferably an heir with magic. Okay, more like definitely an heir with magic. Considering the fact that Sakura has converted the Clow cards into Sakura cards, my mother couldn't have been happier when Sakura and I started dating years ago. It was the seemingly perfect solution to the family's problem. The magic had been thinning out as it is; if I married Sakura, not only would we have a new, strong infusion of magic into the line; the cards would be back in the family. Everything would have been just peachy.   
  
But, no, my damn emotions just had to get in the way and screw everything up.   
  
Sakura's wonderful and all; a bit of an airhead, but she always means well and she tries her hardest at everything she does. I did love her once; I still do, but now as more of a sister and a best friend. I know she feels the same way towards me. It's been years since I've looked at her as a girlfriend. We've just grown apart, that's all. I mean, we were freaking *preteens* when we got together! How the hell were we supposed to know what love was, let alone decide whom we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with?!   
  
15 years and we're still 'together'. Together in the sense that, if neither of us falls in love with someone else, we'll inevitably marry one day. Sort of like my relationship with Meilin, prior to my confession to Sakura. Except Meilin actually loved me. I still feel kinda bad for doing that to her...   
  
What is it with me and my bad luck with women? Why do I keep finding myself stuck engaged to people I don't love?   
  
I can't help but feel bad for Sakura; that's not really fair to her, having to marry someone she only cares for as a brother for the sake of his family. But, although I protested, she insisted. If neither of us finds someone else...  
  
Yeah, I've found someone else, all right. Someone that can get anything she could ever want- and I'm not on her wish list. I'm too short tempered, too, too... me. She's been nothing but kind to me, overly so at times, going out of her way to help me with things. After all, she was the one trying so hard to set me up with Sakura all those years ago. I don't deserve her.  
  
I remember admiring her for that, for being so strong all those years ago. She cared so much about Sakura... did she love her? Did I break Tomoyo's heart by taking Sakura away from her? Gods, I hope not... but what if I did? I am so freaking selfish sometimes! Ugh, how could I do something like that to Tomoyo? And can I ever make it up to her if I did?   
  
If I told her how I felt, is there any chance at all that she would feel the same way? And, could I do that to my family?  
  
Even when we were kids, I respected her, and I admit that I cared much more than I let on. But did I let her facade fool me? I know now that she always shields her emotions, hiding every sign of weakness from the outside world. That's another thing I respect her for- it takes a good deal of willpower and a nearly unbreakable spirit to maintain a facade like hers- but it's also something that's always worried me. How can she care so little about herself? How can she completely ignore her emotions? Doesn't it hurt? I know that the optimistic front she puts up fools most people, but I'm not most people. For a while now, I've paid a lot of attention to her, to her reactions especially. I think I'm beginning tell when her emotions are genuine and when they aren't. And when they aren't, when she's hiding tears with a flawless smile, it makes me want to hold her tight, to tell her that everything is okay. Ack, when did I get so mushy? I don't think I've ever gotten this sappy over Sakura!   
  
But that might be because Sakura is a lot less complicated than Tomoyo. And, frustrating as it may be, the fact that she is so intricate makes me love Tomoyo all the more.  
  
"Hey, Tomoyo..."  
  
"Yes, Li-kun?"  
  
"Ah, call me Shaoran. U-unless you'd rather..."  
  
"No! Um, I mean, no. And thank you, L-Shaoran-kun, for calling me Tomoyo..."  
  
Her voice trailed off. I wonder why she seems so nervous? Maybe I'm making her uncomfortable... It was kind of sudden, calling her Tomoyo for the first time after all these years and all. I couldn't help it... when I was worried before, it just slipped out... I wasn't thinking of formalities, I guess. And, hey, she thanked me, right? I guess she doesn't mind! Which is damn good for me, maybe she considers me a true friend after all...  
  
"Tomoyo, I can't help but feel that something's wrong... something other than work..."  
  
"..."  
  
"I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk to me. I don't know how helpful that is, seeing you have Sakura and all, and I might not seem like the best person to talk to, but..."  
  
"No, it means a lot to me... thank you so much, Shaoran."  
  
"Hey, what are friends for? You can always depend on me!"   
  
...So let me see that pretty smile again, please? I wonder, will you actually open up to me or are you always just being polite, Tomoyo... don't you see that I care? I wish I could read you better... it's so hard to tell what you're thinking, and it hurts to think that, after over ten years of friendship, I can't even be sure if you trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind. Do you even tell *anyone*?  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Well, at least she smiled... and it seemed genuine enough, although I didn't miss the sadness behind her eyes. I want- no, I *have* to make her happy... melancholy doesn't suit her.  
  
"So... we're going out for coffee tomorrow, right? Anything else you feel like doing? We can go anywhere you want!"  
  
Okay, I bet that sounded a little cheesy. But, hey! I'm getting a little desperate, trying to cheer up Ms. 'randomly-catatonic-without-explanation' over here! I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, fine, but at least *try* to cheer up!  
  
Because I hate seeing you like this... it's breaking my heart.  
  
"Anything, hm?" Another smile. This one's definitely genuine, with a mischievous glint in her eyes... Damn, she's gorgeous.   
  
"Anything at all!"  
  
"Then, how about going to the amusement park? It's been ages since the three of us have gone there!"  
  
"Sure! I'm sure Sakura will agree, too! I know she has nothing else to do tomorrow, we were this morning about how little there was to do this weekend."  
  
The three of us. Damn. I know I shouldn't, but I kinda wish Sakura had something else to do... I wouldn't mind going alone with Tomoyo. It's not that Sakura would mind, I know she wouldn't. I can tell her anything and everything, and, anyway, we're just not like that anymore. But I still feel weird about it... like I don't know if I can tell either of them... I have to think of the family...  
  
I wonder if Tomoyo would mind going alone with me? Not that it matters, of course. But I hope she wouldn't mind. In a perfect world, she'd fall for me, too, and we would live happily ever after with Sakura as our next door neighbor, married to the man of *her* dreams. A white picket fence, 9-5 job, 3.2 kids or whatever that damn average is, a puppy, and a minivan. And I wouldn't have to worry about the family ever again. Ha. Right. Sure. I think a perfect world would make me sick to my stomach. But I still wish she would love me too... and that worries for the future of the family wouldn't be looming over my head like this.  
  
We've reached her house... damn, that walk was much too short.   
  
"Thank you for walking me home, Shaoran-kun. And thanks for brightening my mood! I don't feel quite as tired now; would you like to come in for some tea?"  
  
"Um, are you sure it's all right? I don't want to impose..."  
  
"You're always welcome here! But, if you're in a hurry to get home..."  
  
"No, not at all! Thanks, Tomoyo. I'd love to have tea with you."  
  
I can't help but smile; she's seemed to have cheered up a bit, and I get to stay with her... if just for a little longer. I wonder what she'd think if she knew what kind of affect she has on me?  
  
~~~~~butterfly orchids mean 'you are always on my mind'.   
  
Review~ please! 


	4. Acacian Holiday

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo, aren't they cute together? It's sappy, and fluffy, and if you've read the other chapters you know by now. ^_^   
  
Thanks lots to Serenity Blossom and D a r k n e s s in H e a r t for reviewing!!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 4: Acacian Holiday~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
Okay, so maybe the whole 'I'm all better! Come in for tea!' thing was a little obvious. But I got to spend an extra half hour with the man of my dreams, didn't I? And, as much as I love him, I admit that he's never been the brightest crayon in the box. Hopefully I was subtle enough that he didn't catch on. It's not like we talked about much or anything. Normal, everyday conversation.  
  
He asked me to treat him as a true friend! To confide in him, if I wanted to! And he offered to take me wherever I wanted to go! So sweet... he's so sweet! Just because I haven't been my usual self lately!  
  
I wonder if that means he knows there's more wrong than I'm letting on?   
  
That could be bad. I mean, it's not that I don't trust him, but I can't exactly talk to him about my troubles when he's the cause of them. Not that he's to blame. Not at all, it's entirely my fault. He can't help being so adorable, so kind, so handsome... and it's my fault for not being able to deal with it.   
  
But if he asks, what am I going to say?! It's damn hard to lie while looking into warm, chocolate brown eyes.  
  
I *am* going to tell someone... It would probably help, considering how freaking much this is affecting me. Maybe Meilin, I know that she's close to Shaoran and all, but I also know that I can tell her anything. And, considering her past relationship with him, it would give me someone to commiserate with.  
  
Damn, what's wrong with me anyway?! Why do I sound the suffering heroine of a cheesy romance movie? This can't be me! Something's taken over my mind!   
  
But, it usually works out in the end for them, doesn't it? Maybe it will for me too!  
  
What am I *thinking*?! I know I'm stronger than this! And I know I'm not as asinine as to spend two whole hours getting dressed in the morning just to impress a boy!  
  
...I'm not, right? There has to be another reason for it... one I can't think of at the moment... and it was really more like an hour and a half, if you round down...  
  
Anyway. 10 am, bright and early (for a weekend at least) I had coffee with Sakura and Shaoran. Not too interesting, lots of small talk and plans for the day. The amusement park! Shaoran honestly wants to cheer me up! I feel so bad for making them, for making *him*, worry. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm just the idiot that fell for the one guy she can never get. No big, happens all the time.  
  
It does! I know it does! So why does it hurt so much?!   
  
Back to the present, Tomoyo. You'd better start acting normal; after all, they took you to the amusement park to cheer you up.   
  
When did I start talking to myself?  
  
"So, what ride do you want to go on first, guys?"  
  
"Ah, how about, that one!"  
  
"Roller coaster it is! This was a great idea, Shaoran-kun, Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
So he didn't tell her why we decided to come here? He didn't tell her that it was because he wanted to make me feel better? That's a relief. I was afraid it had just been an act of pity. I guess not, though. Shaoran truly wanted to do something to make me happy. After all, he's not really getting anything from it if he doesn't tell anyone but me, is he? Sigh. Su-te-ki!   
  
Gods, am I ever getting ditzy.  
  
"That was a really long line... at least we're up next, right?"  
  
"Yeah! This is going to be *so* much fun!"  
  
"Sakura-chan, you're always so cheerful!"  
  
"I know, Tomoyo-chan, but it's true! I love roller coasters!"  
  
"Aa, let's just get on the ride already."  
  
"Gee, Shaoran-kun! Seems that *somebody* isn't too fond of them!"  
  
"Ah, really? I'm awfully sorry, Shaoran-kun, I didn't know..."  
  
"I-iie! I don't mind them at all!"  
  
"Okay then..."  
  
Ah, I feel bad... I didn't know he hated roller coasters. I'll have to try to apologize again, later, if he really doesn't enjoy it. Meanwhile, though, I'll just enjoy the ride... especially since I'm sitting between him and Sakura! My two favorite people in the whole world! I'm so glad we came; this is definitely cheering me up!  
  
"That was great!"  
  
"Yeah, it was, Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Aa, it was okay."  
  
"You enjoyed it, Shaoran-kun?"  
  
"Aa."  
  
"I'm so relieved! I was afraid you would be upset with me for asking you to ride it with us..."  
  
"No, of course not! I mean, don't worry about it. Anything I really don't want to do, I'll tell ya, ok?"   
  
Perfect smile. Gods, he's got a great smile! Ah! I'm melting! I'm melting! Don't melt, Tomoyo!   
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Yeah, promise."  
  
"So where are we going next, you two?!"  
  
"What do you want to do, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Let's go play some games!"  
  
It took an hour, but Shaoran won Sakura and I matching dolls. After he won the first, I told him that I didn't need one, that it was all right, but he insisted. He is *not* making this easy for me! I wonder if he knows how easy he is to fall in love with? I wonder if he knows what he's doing to me? I don't think so.   
  
If he did, he'd look at the situation and realize what it's doing to me. He's too nice to consciously let me suffer. Unless... No, he and Sakura are still very much in love. After all, they've been together 15 years haven't they? They're going to get married someday, too, I'm sure of it. Sakura told me when we were just children that she wanted me to be the maid of honor in her wedding. If I had only known then how hard that would be for me, I wouldn't have agreed so quickly. I'm not one to cry at weddings, but I think I'll make an exception.  
  
Okay! Optimism! Optimism! Gotta cheer up, that's the point of the trip, remember?  
  
"We're going off to get drinks, okay, Tomoyo-chan? What would you like?"  
  
"Just a bottle of water, please!"  
  
"'Kay, be right back!"  
  
"Hey, sweetheart."  
  
Um, scary guy. Very scary guy. He's not talking to me, is he?  
  
"You! With the braids!"  
  
Uh, braids? Did I... crap, yep, I've got braids.   
  
"What's wrong? I won't hurt you..."  
  
"U-um, do you mean me? I- I don't know you, do I?"  
  
"Yeah, you. What's a pretty girl like you doing here all by herself? And, no, you don't know me *yet*... so how about we go over there and get better acquainted?"  
  
"I- um- well, you see, I don't really have much time right now, I'm waiting for my friends..."  
  
"Friends? I don't see anyone! So why don't you just come with me, beautiful... I promise I won't hurt you. As long as you do what I want, that is."  
  
Shaoran! Sakura! Someone! Wait, why can't I handle this myself? Why do I always need someone to save me? Gotta try to save myself!  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm not interesting in making any new friends today..."  
  
"I said that I wouldn't hurt you if you did what I wanted... this isn't what I want..."  
  
"Aah- what- what are you..."  
  
Lucky me, dragged away by some big scary guy with a knife on my special day with my friends... this is definitely not good...  
  
"Teme! What the hell do you think you're doing!?"  
  
"What's it to you, brat?! And why the fuck do you have a *sword* at an amusement park!?"  
  
Shaoran...  
  
"Just get away from her! Now! K'so..."  
  
"You want a fight, kid?!"  
  
"Tch, kid? You don't wanna underestimate me, bastard! I'm no kid, and I'm damn good with a sword..."  
  
"Okay, okay! Your little bitch of a girlfriend isn't all that pretty anyway..."  
  
Girlfriend?   
  
"Tomoyo... daijoubu ka?"  
  
Ooh, my knight in shining armor... my hero! Is this my cue to swoon?  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine... thank you, Shaoran-kun. I'm sorry to cause so many problems...! I should have been able to defend myself better in a situation like that and all..."  
  
"No, I'm sorry I left you alone... there are so many damn creeps around here... I'm sorry..."  
  
Okay, I really feel bad making him save me like that... I must seem completely useless... he probably feels like he's babysitting, first having to cheer me up, then having to save me from the mean bad-guy...  
  
"Really, I must seem like easy prey... just standing there, obviously with no clue how to defend myself..." I laugh, gotta lighten the mood somehow, right?   
  
"Tch... He didn't pick you because you were an easy target... he picked you 'cause you're gorgeous... that damn bastard..."  
  
He did *not* just say that. No way. Did he?  
  
"A-ah, really? You mean that?"  
  
He blushed and looked away. Hmm, I'll take that as a yes...   
  
"Thanks..."  
  
Okay, there's a huge difference between thinking someone's attractive and being madly in love with them. But, hey, it's a start, isn't it? Even if Shaoran doesn't love me, even if he loves Sakura, hearing him say I'm gorgeous is more than enough to make me lightheaded.   
  
...I can't believe he said that!  
  
~~~~~Okay, I know I'm making up adjectives, but the flower of the chapter's acacia, and it represents concealed love.   
  
Review! Please? 


	5. Pink Camellias

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo, it's sappy, you know the drill.   
  
Thanks to Serenity Blossom, D a r k n e s s in H e a r t, and starrGurl for reviewing! ^^ you rock.   
  
~~~~~Chapter 5: Pink Camellias~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
When did my hormones decide to take over and not tell me?  
  
Every single time Tomoyo and I brushed arms, anytime I caught her eye, anything... it would make my stomach flip-flop. My skin was tingling all freaking day long. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, I had to sit next to her that entire roller coaster ride! I never knew 45 seconds could be so damn long. Aah, it was torture. Torture in a good way, but torture nevertheless. I thought I'd be fine, but now I don't know. Maybe I ought to tell her.   
  
And when that bastard started hitting on her and wouldn't leave her alone! The first thing that went through my mind was, 'No! He can't do that to *my* Tomoyo!' And with that thought, I ran over with my sword. I mean, I can't blame the guy for hitting on her; damn, she was the prettiest girl at the amusement park. He was just no good.   
  
Although I admit, even if he hadn't been such a bad guy, I still would have gone over and intervened. *My* Tomoyo. Damn. I need help.   
  
Speaking of help... maybe I should call Meilin. She'd know what to do. I know that I can tell Sakura anything, but, if I told Sakura, I know she'd automatically tell me to 'do what my heart says' or something sappy like that. She's such a hopeless romantic, she would overlook all the problems it would cause... And Meilin... I've known Meilin forever. She knows the family as well as I do, she'd have some advice... and if she thinks I shouldn't tell Tomoyo, at least I wouldn't have to deal with Sakura being upset with me for not 'going for it' and giving up on 'making my dreams come true.' There are some things that girl just refuses to understand. One of them is that there isn't always a happy ending.  
  
So, yeah. Call Meilin. I guess now's as good a time as any, seeing as I've been staring at the ceiling in my bedroom the past hour and a half. Heh, guess this is starting to get to me, huh? All right. Call... call... gotta find the phone. I really oughta clean my room one of these days.  
  
ring, ring   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Meilin!"  
  
"Shaoran!?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. What's up?"  
  
"Oh my gosh, you haven't called me in so long! I've missed you! It's been, what, a month and a half since we last talked? How have you been?!"  
  
"Ah, about that."  
  
"Knew you had a reason! It's not like you to call me out of the blue. So what is it? Trouble with Kinomoto?"  
  
"Actually..."  
  
"Actually what? So it's *not* trouble!? Are you getting married or something?!"  
  
"NO! I mean, Sakura and I, we're not really like that anymore."  
  
"What do you mean? I thought you... And you would have told me if... And the family!"  
  
"Yes, I know, the *family*... That's the reason I called you."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Sakura and I haven't loved each other romantically for a while now, but she had agreed to marry me if neither of us found anyone else, for the sake of the family. She's something of a sister to me."  
  
"So you made the same promise with her you made me."   
  
"Yeah, something like that. So, anyway. I've found someone I'm in love with, and I'm so much in love with her that I can barely even think straight... Meilin, what's *wrong* with me?!"  
  
"Are you serious? That's not like you at all! If this is a joke, I don't get it..."  
  
"Meilin! I spent the last hour and a half staring at my ceiling thinking about her and all the problems this is causing me! Even though I know it's making a mess of everything, I can't help it! I'm in love with her, damnit!"  
  
"Wow... you've got it bad. So who is it, Shaoran? Who's the lucky girl?!"  
  
"I didn't call to give you something to gossip about, just to get your advice about the family situation! She doesn't have any magic."  
  
"None? Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure, now tell me what you think already!"  
  
"How can you be sure?"  
  
"Look, Meilin, I'm sure."  
  
"Do I know her? Tell me who she is!"  
  
"Meilin..."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Meilin!"  
  
"Come on, I won't tell anyone! You can trust me! You know that!"  
  
"Fine. It's Tomoyo."  
  
"TOMOYO? You're in love with *Daidouji*?! ...You call her Tomoyo?!"  
  
"Yes, and yes. We've been good friends a long time now..."  
  
"But I know that's not enough for you to use first names..."  
  
"Okay, okay. I started to call her Tomoyo yesterday."  
  
"Ah, I see. So that's when you realized it, huh."  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Well what?! How long have you been in love with her, huh? Huh?"  
  
"I-I don't really know. I guess I've always thought about her more than I let on. But recently..."  
  
"Ooh, so you really think you love her?! Really, really?"  
  
"I don't think. I know. Lately, she's seemed really out of it, and it feels like my heart's being broken every time I see her like that... And, with that guy..."  
  
"What guy? Do you have competition?"  
  
"No! Well, at least, I don't *think* so... but there was this guy today, at the amusement park... he was getting nasty with her when she turned him down..."  
  
"Ooh, did you jump in and save her?!"  
  
"Ah, yeah... but there's a problem... the first thing that went through my mind when I saw it was 'he can't do that to *my* Tomoyo'... and every time I look at her, I keep finding myself staring... she's gorgeous! It's almost like she's so perfect, she can't be real..."  
  
"Perfect, hm? '*Your* Tomoyo'? Yep, you've got it bad!"  
  
"I already knew that, Meilin! I didn't call to ask you whether or not I liked the girl! I want to know what you think I should do! I mean, should I tell her? Should I chance it? I don't really even know how she feels about me as a person, let alone whether or not she'd want to go out with me. And on top of that, I've got the whole thing with the family! You know Tomoyo, Meilin! She doesn't have magic! None at all! What if I marry her?! How am I going to produce an heir to the Li clan with my weak magic and a wife with none at all!? And the cards...!"  
  
"Yes, I know, your mother wants you to marry Kinomoto to keep the cards in the family, and her magic's a bonus too... but, Shaoran, don't you understand that your mother can't dictate everything you do in life?"  
  
"But, don't I have duties to fulfill as the next clan head? Shouldn't I be concerned about this? My mother's only acting in my best interest..."  
  
"Are you sure about that? I mean, the family has been without the cards for years now, right? The cards were inactive the whole time between Clow 'dying' and Kinomoto releasing them. And, if you married Daidouji, who's to say your children wouldn't have magic? Your magic isn't weak, you know. I mean, the chances are lower than they would be if you married Kinomoto, but still! And the family never had a problem with our engagement, and you know I don't have magic either."  
  
"I guess you're right..."  
  
"And, although your mother will most definitely be angry about it if you don't marry Kinomoto and bring the cards back into the family, making her happy is *not* your primary concern in life! Since you only live once, don't you think you should at least *try* to make yourself happy? You know full well that both you and Kinomoto would be happier with others. And, since you've found the so called 'love of your life', go for it! You'd better! Or I'm going to go over there to Japan and make you!"  
  
"Thanks, Meilin."  
  
"Anytime! You know me! Always here for ya!"  
  
"Really, thanks. If I hadn't called you..."  
  
"Yeah, I know. You would never tell her, would you?"  
  
"You know me too well."  
  
"Yeah, well... I've known you a long time, ne?"  
  
"Haha, true. I'm really glad I called you, you know."  
  
"I know! Of course you're glad! It's *me* we're talking about here! Of course I'd figure out a way to solve your problem! I'm *so* wonderful!"  
  
"And modest!"  
  
"I know, aren't I? Oh-ho-ho-ho!"  
  
"All right, Meilin. Thanks again, I'll definitely think about telling her. And, if I'm going to tell her, guess I gotta think of a way how..."  
  
"If you need help with that, you know who to call!"  
  
"Yeah... Thanks for your help. I'll call you again soon, okay?"  
  
"You'd better! And 2 months doesn't count as 'soon'! Call me sooner than that, okay?"  
  
"Yakusoku da yo."  
  
"Yeah, you promise. Just don't forget this time!"  
  
~~~~~pink camellias mean 'longing for you'.  
  
~Please Review!~ 


	6. Moonflower

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap, etc.  
  
Thanks for reading this far! ^^  
  
~~~~~Chapter 6: Moonflower~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
My best friend's boyfriend, who I just so happen to be desperately in love with, thinks I'm gorgeous. No problem! I can deal with this just fine!  
  
Okay... maybe I can't. This is what soap operas are made of! Is someone *trying* to make this harder for me?! What am I supposed to do now?!   
  
I know he doesn't love me; he loves Sakura. I know that that's how things should stay. But it seems my body doesn't want to cooperate with my mind on this one. My mind turns to mush around him, I blush much too often. I keep having urges to kiss Shaoran when I see him talking, to tell him I love him. It's a damn good thing I'm not an impetuous person; but I don't know, lately I haven't been controlling my emotions as well as I'd like. And he is *definitely* not helping; does he always have to be so, so... perfect? Does he have to look so good every time I see him? Does he have to be so freaking wonderful?  
  
I'm spacing out again. Definitely time to talk to someone. 'Talking about it helps' and all that, right? Maybe it'll all go away...   
  
Where is Meilin's number anyway? Better call now, before I drown in my head.  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello, Meilin-chan?"  
  
"Daidouji?!"  
  
"Are you that surprised to hear from me? I *do* call you at least once a month, you know..."  
  
"N-no, it's just... something reminded me of you the other day so I was just thinking about you! So! What's up? How have you been?"  
  
"I'm fine, well, basically anyway. How about you?"  
  
"I've been well, I miss you guys over in Japan a whole lot though!"   
  
"You should come visit us sometime!"  
  
"Yeah, I will, I will. As soon as I can take a vacation from work... probably in a couple of weeks."  
  
"Oh, I can't wait! It'll be wonderful, I haven't seen you in so long!"  
  
"Yeah, I know! Hey, Daidouji..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You don't sound like your usual self... your cheerfulness sounds a little forced, ya know?"  
  
"Oh, my, is it that obvious...?"  
  
"Well, I know ya pretty well, you know! And, after all, I *am* Meilin! Nothing gets by me! Oh-ho-ho!"  
  
"I should have known that! And, actually, now that you mention it... I did call to talk to you about something."  
  
"And that something is?"  
  
"Um... this is going to sound really strange..."  
  
"Don't worry, you won't be the first to surprise me this week..."  
  
"Hm? Oh, well, anyway... um, you see... I think... I think that maybe..."  
  
"Come on, Daidouji! Spit it out already!"  
  
"I'm in love with Shaoran..."  
  
"!!!"  
  
"I know! It's terrible! I mean, he's in love with Sakura, and she's in love with him, and they're the picture-perfect couple, and I'm just the third-wheel best friend bound to cause problems! I, I tried to get over him, I really did! I keep trying to convince myself that it's futile, because he loves her, and that it's only going to hurt me, and maybe them, in the end, but I can't help it! He's so handsome, and he's so kind... and, every single time I make an effort to get over him, he inadvertently does something that makes me love him even more!"  
  
"Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think... but, go on, what kind of things do you mean?"  
  
"Well, the other day, we were at Sakura-chan's house eating dinner, and I was somewhat out of sorts, and so I left early. But most of the reason I was out of sorts was because I was finding it hard not to stare at him, and not to blush when he talked to me, and not to do other things that would make my feelings for him blatantly obvious... and then he offered to walk me home! And, as if I wasn't happy enough about him walking me home, he told me that I could depend on him, and that I could call him Shaoran! And he said that, because he wanted to cheer me up, he would take me anywhere I wanted to go the next day when the three of us got together! So I asked to go to the amusement park, and we did... and he rode the roller coaster with us even though Sakura-chan said that he didn't like them too much, and he insisted on winning us both dolls, and he even saved me from a creepy guy that had been bothering me! And what's worse, although he didn't mean it as a compliment or anything, he said I was gorgeous!"  
  
"He did!? He said you were gorgeous to your face? Wow! Compliments like that from Shaoran are realllly rare!"  
  
"No, no! He didn't mean it like that; he just said that the man that was bothering me must have chosen me because I'm 'gorgeous'. I know he didn't mean it as anything, but I could have fainted I was so happy! And, oh, dear, I'm so sorry Meilin-chan, I'm just going on and on about this, please don't hate me for it! You were the only person I could call, you're the only friend I have that I trust as much as I trust them, and I obviously couldn't tell them, and I know you won't tell anyone! I can't help it, I guess I'm just an awful person anyway for falling for my best friend's boyfriend; I'm just destined to be a home-wrecker or something! I know they'd both hate me if they knew! What's wrong with me, anyway?!"  
  
"Daidouji- no, Tomoyo-chan. First of all, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't choose who you fall in love with, after all. And, personally, I think you have wonderful taste for falling in love with Shaoran! Besides, he obviously cares about you, and I know Kinomoto does, so why would they hate you? They wouldn't throw away over 15 years of friendship for something like that, especially when the so called 'home-wrecker' is as paranoid as you are about keeping them together and yourself from destroying their relationship!"  
  
"Meilin-chan..."  
  
"I'm not finished yet! Tomoyo, do you even know if they're in love with each other?"  
  
"Well, Shaoran-kun did confess to Sakura all those years ago, and they've been together ever since..."  
  
"But do you know for a fact that they're in love with each other? A lot can happen in 15 years, especially when you're only children in the beginning..."  
  
"Well, I mean, I'm not positive, but I have reason enough to believe..."  
  
"Tomoyo, ask them, watch them, I don't care how you find out! Just *do* it! Before you give up on Shaoran, I want you to know whether or not he's actually taken, whether or not he and Sakura are actually in love. Because, if you don't make sure... if you don't take a chance... you'll never forgive yourself. I mean, if you don't do anything, ten years from now you could be saying, 'I should have gone for it, should have confessed to Shaoran, and then we would be living in a happy little plastic-perfect fairy-tale world'."  
  
"Um... plastic-perfect... what?"  
  
"Look, this overly romantic stuff isn't exactly my forte, especially considering my luck with guys... but you get the point, don't you!?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks, Meilin-chan."  
  
"Anytime, Tomoyo-chan. You can count on me! Promise! I just wonder why everyone wants my advice all of a sudden..."  
  
"Excuse me? I didn't catch that last thing you said..."  
  
"I didn't say anything! You must be hearing things, Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"Okay then, it was nice talking to you... I hope to see you soon, goodbye!"  
  
"Yeah, we'll definitely have to get together sometime soon! Bye!"  
  
~~~~~moonflower means 'I only dream of love'. 


	7. Bird of Paradise

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
Thanks soo much to Serenity Blossom, who's reviewed every chapter! (You've inspired me to continue the fic ^^)   
  
~~~~~Chapter 7: Bird of Paradise~~~~~  
  
Meilin's POV  
  
...I can't believe it!   
  
First Shaoran calls and says he's desperately in love with Tomoyo... *Shaoran*, who was supposed to be head-over-heels in love with Kinomoto the past ten years! Then, Tomoyo calls, only to tell me she's fallen for Shaoran! So cute!  
  
And, hey, who knew Shaoran could be so gallant? Saving damsels in distress and all that! Well, of course, *I* always knew how great he was. But, seriously! Wow! And, letting that 'gorgeous' comment slip? Definitely not like him. He's got it bad.   
  
This is gonna be so much fun!  
  
I wish he'd stop with all that damn 'family' stuff though, I mean, *really*! Of course the family's important, and he should consider it when he makes decisions... but if he spends his whole damn life going on about the family, he's gonna regret it when he's old, and dying, and going 'damn, I should have asked Tomoyo out instead of sulking the past 60 years'. Well, maybe that's a little extreme. But anyway.   
  
Not that she's not much better! She's so freaking afraid to hurt anyone that she's hurting herself! Damnit, does that girl care about herself at *all*!? That's just not healthy! Now that I think of it, has Tomoyo ever even had a boyfriend? Doesn't she think she deserves to be happy for once in her life?!   
  
Guess I'd better plan a trip to Tomoeda, and *soon*! I wanna see the budding romance first hand! I wonder what Kinomoto thinks about this? Wait, does she even know?! Shaoran better have told her! I mean, she's right there, and great to ask advice from! After all, she *is* Tomoyo's best friend, isn't she?! She can tell him exactly what to do to win her heart! And then everything will end happily ever after!   
  
Damn, I wish my love life looked this promising! Maybe, after the two love-birds get together, Kinomoto and I can hang out and pick up guys or something. Then it'll *really* be a happily ever after. It's been too damn long since I've had a boyfriend... but enough about me!  
  
I wonder how Tomoyo will react when Shaoran confesses? I wonder how he'll react when he finds out that she loves him, too?! I definitely have to get to Tomoeda, and *fast*! Can't miss this!  
  
Wait. Shaoran didn't say he *would* tell her, did he. No... he said he'd *think* about it! Didn't he? Damn it, Shaoran! Why do you have to be so freaking weak when it comes to love? How long did it take him to confess to Sakura?! He'd better not decide against saying anything... he'd better not... ugh! If he doesn't say anything, they're going to be like this forever! Pining for each other, and completely blind to the reality of it all! What a pair of idiots! Damn it! I know him! He isn't going to say anything, is he!?  
  
Shaoran had *so* better confess like I told him to! He'd better. Or else.   
  
Or else the two of them won't ever know how the other one feels...  
  
I'm not letting that happen! They both swore me to secrecy but... if he doesn't tell her by the time I go to visit them... I'll... I'll...  
  
I'll think of *something*!  
  
~~~~~Bird of paradise (yeah, it's a flower) means 'strange and wonderful things are going to happen'.  
  
sorry this chapter was so short and... well, pointless. I'll make the next one better! Promise! 


	8. Angelical Assistance

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap.  
  
I decided to put this up at the same time as chapter 7, 'cause 7 was way too short. ^^   
  
~~~~~Chapter 8: Angelical Assistance~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
Okay, I'm gonna tell her.  
  
Don't know how, don't know when, don't actually even know what the hell I'm thinking, deciding this- I mean, there's no chance she actually likes me- but Meilin's right. Gotta go for it or I'm gonna regret it. Even if I could bring myself to get over Tomoyo- which will probably happen sometime around, let's see, *never*- I would still have to end this 'engagement' to Sakura. I love Sakura to death and all, but I definitely don't want to *marry* the girl. That would be just wrong. Like incest or something. Ew.  
  
So, yeah, now that I've decided I'm going to tell Tomoyo how I feel, I've got to spend some time building up an immunity to rejection. Great, that'll be fun. How the hell is one supposed to prepare for that anyway?  
  
Maybe I should ask Sakura what she thinks about the whole situation. Maybe Meilin's wrong. Maybe it's better *not* to tell her.  
  
Who am I kidding? I'm just afraid. And that's not something I'm used to admitting, even to myself.   
  
I'll still ask Sakura, she'll know what to do. And I hope she'll have some suggestions about how to tell her. They've been best friends forever, after all. Okay, maybe I should call now, before I lose my nerve again.  
  
Damnit, Shaoran, get a grip on yourself! You aren't this weak. You don't let stuff get to you. Especially not romantic garbage like this. If Tomoyo doesn't like you, fine. There are lots of other girls out there.   
  
Ha, sure. Almost believed myself that time.  
  
Ah, what the hell, scared stiff or not, I'll tell Tomoyo anyway. It's worth a shot, isn't it?   
  
So, about calling Sakura.  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
"Hi! You've reached Sakura! Sorry, I'm out... leave a message!"  
  
beep  
  
click  
  
Damn, she's not there! Gods, it's probably just as well. What was I thinking, telling Sakura would change things... permanently. There's no way in hell that she would try to discourage me from getting together with Tomoyo, and, if I decided not to say anything, she'd never leave me alone about it.  
  
There are two things standing between myself and Tomoyo- my fear, and Tomoyo.  
  
It's up to her, my love life is in her hands, whether she knows it or not. And I know she's going to think I'm a total creep if I ask her out. After all, I'm Sakura's 'boyfriend', aren't I?  
  
Damnit, where's Sakura!? I need to talk to her!  
  
ring, ring  
  
My cell phone?  
  
"Hey, Shaoran!"  
  
"Oh... Meilin."  
  
"Don't sound so happy to hear from me!"  
  
"Well, I was hoping Sakura would call."  
  
"Ah, talk to her yet? And, you're going to tell Tomoyo, right?! Right?!"  
  
"Aa. I am. I think."  
  
"You think!? No thinking involved! You tell her! End of story!"  
  
"Yes, Meilin."  
  
"Seriously! What is *wrong* with you!?"  
  
"Well, I was pretty damn determined before, but all of a sudden I lost my confidence."  
  
"And what the hell made that happen?!"  
  
"Uh, I was thinking, and, she's gonna hate me when I tell her I love her... she still thinks I love Sakura."  
  
"...You and Sakura haven't told *anyone* about the change in your relationship, have you."  
  
"No use causing problems... we kinda figured we'd end up together anyway..."  
  
"That's it, I'm calling Kinomoto... I've got three-way calling, don't hang up."  
  
"Ah, sure, whatever, Meilin."  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
"Hi! You've reached..."  
  
"Where the hell *is* that girl!?"  
  
"Dunno, around, I guess."  
  
"Doesn't she have a cell phone?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, forgot about that."  
  
"Shaoran, you idiot!"  
  
"Thanks, Meilin. You always know how to make me feel better."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. So I'm gonna go now, okay? Call Kinomoto. And then call me back."  
  
"Aa. Talk to you soon."  
  
"Yeah, soon."  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
ring, ring  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Sakura!"  
  
"Shaoran? What's up?"  
  
"Sorry, I know you're out, but do you have some time?"  
  
"Sure! I'm just shopping, anyway. Actually, I'm kinda near your house, want me to stop by?"  
  
"If you don't mind, that'd be great."  
  
"Kay, see you soon."  
  
Great, she's coming over. It'll be easier to talk to her in person, won't it? I hate talking on the phone, after all. Wait, no, won't that make it harder?! I'm gonna have a hard time controlling that damn blush thing of mine. Well, whatever. Sakura's used to me by now.  
  
ding dong  
  
"Hey, Sakura!"  
  
"Shaoran! So, what's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing's the matter, really... it's more of a question than a problem. But I do have something to tell you, too."  
  
"Okay! Shoot!"  
  
"Um, I... I'vefallenforTomoyoandIdon'tknowwhattodoaboutitcauseIdon'tthinkshelikesmeandshedefinitelythinkswe'restilltogetherandI'mafraidtotellher!WhatshouldIdo?MeilinsaidIshouldtellherorI'mgonnaregretitandIknowIwillbutIstilldon'twanna!" blush  
  
"Erm...excuse me?"  
  
"Do I really hafta say it again?"  
  
"Well, I caught something about Tomoyo and Meilin and being afraid of something."  
  
"Okay. I think that I'm in love with Tomoyo. I called Meilin and she told me to confess."  
  
"Ohmigod, you're in love with Tomoyo?! That is *too* cute! Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! You should have told me before! I would have tried to set you up! Wow! ...So when are you going to tell her?!"  
  
"I don't want to... because... I'm afraid."  
  
"Shaoran...I can't believe I just heard you admit you're afraid of something."  
  
"I know! My brain's turned to mush or something! This is starting to drive me crazy! I don't even know what the hell's going on anymore! I am *not* acting like myself lately!"  
  
"That's because you're in lo~ove." Wink. Oh, God, maybe this wasn't a good idea, after all.   
  
"Don't make fun of me. I'm serious."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I can tell."  
  
"So what should I do?"  
  
"You okay with the whole family part of it? Because I know that's the only thing you seem to think about, lately."  
  
"Yeah, Meilin and I talked about that. I think I'm okay with it. She said I would regret it if I spent my life thinking only about the family and ignoring my own needs, and she's right."  
  
"Couldn't have said it better myself. Although, I must admit, I'm a little upset you told Meilin before you told me..."  
  
"About that... I'm sorry, Sakura. It's not that I don't trust you, you know I do, I can tell you anything. It's just that I was afraid you would tell me to confess without thinking about the consequences of it, seeing you're such a hopeless romantic and all."  
  
"Got that right, and I'm definitely all for you confessing, but I know you better than you think. I wouldn't tell you to do something without thinking it would best for you."  
  
"Sakura... thanks. I really am sorry I didn't tell you first."  
  
"Hey, no harm done. So, when and how are you gonna tell Tomoyo?"  
  
"That... is what I was hoping you could help me with."  
  
"No problem! This is gonna be fun."  
  
~~~~~angelica represents inspiration and magic. 


	9. Plans for Red Tulips

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap.  
  
Thanks to Serenity Blossom for reviewing ^^ You're the best!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 9: Plans for Red Tulips~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
"You're kidding. I'm can't do that!"  
  
"But it wouldn't *really* be lying..."  
  
"You want me to invite to go somewhere with the two of us, knowing full well that you're not planning on going, and then tell her something came up and you couldn't make it. Explain to me how that isn't lying."  
  
"Hey! If you want, I'll really make sure that something 'comes up'! I'll make plans and then conveniently 'forget' about them, or I'll have Kero arrange for me to be somewhere so I won't know exactly where and exactly when..."  
  
"But isn't that..."  
  
"Or, if you want, I can just randomly skip out on our usual weekend plans one day..."  
  
"Sakura, fine. I'll go along with your plan. But where the hell am I going to take her? And, you know me! I'm probably not going to even be able to look at her without blushing, now that I'm planning to tell her I love her!"  
  
"Okay, so you'll go someplace dark enough that she won't be able to tell you're blushing!"  
  
"If it's dark enough that she won't be able to tell I'm blushing, I won't be able to see her!"  
  
"It's okay, you've seen her lots of times!"  
  
"Yeah, but... but lately she's just so damn beautiful! I don't want to miss out on a chance to see her, especially if it's the last time we're together without her hating me!"  
  
"Awwww!!!That's so sweet! But, wait, tell me again why she's going to wind up hating you?"  
  
"Because you're her best friend!"  
  
"And what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"She thinks... I mean, aren't we... we're technically still together, you know!"  
  
"Oh, come on. Tomoyo's with us all the time, I'm sure she's noticed by now that we're just not like that anymore."  
  
Really? I wonder if she has. I mean, it should be pretty obvious. Sakura and I never really spend any time alone. We don't hold hands, we don't call each other pet names (which always made me sick, anyway); we don't act like a couple at all. Tomoyo would have to be pretty oblivious not to notice something like that. And, of course, I know she isn't; Tomoyo catches on damn fast, sometimes too fast. I feel like it's impossible to hide things from her. Not that I'd really want to, but, I mean, there are some things you just don't want people to know... and I've never been too good at hiding my emotions.  
  
Damn! Catches on fast... I hadn't thought of it before... She didn't notice my crush on her, did she?!  
  
"I hope you're right..."  
  
"I'm sure of it."  
  
"Okay, so where should I take her?"  
  
"This should be from the heart, you know... If *I* decide everything..."  
  
"Okay, okay. How about the movies?"  
  
"Too little time for talking."  
  
"A walk in the park?"  
  
"Too cliche. And why would the three of us be doing that, anyway?"  
  
"I dunno... The amusement park?"  
  
"We went there last week! Not to mention, she didn't exactly have the best experience there, with that creepy guy and all."  
  
"Shopping?"  
  
"Too mundane."  
  
"Arcade?"  
  
"...you're *not* serious."  
  
"Dinner?"  
  
"Not bad. Not great, but not bad."  
  
"Agh, I give up!"  
  
"Okay, fine, go with dinner, it could be worse. I'm sure it'll go great, don't worry, cheer up! Gods, Shaoran, you're so damn negative about this! This isn't like you!"  
  
"Lately, I haven't been like me at all."  
  
"It's because..."  
  
"I'm in 'lo~ove', I know. You've mentioned."  
  
"So, if you know, why are you still upset about it?"  
  
"Knowing the reason behind a problem doesn't make the problem go away, Sakura."  
  
"Hey! I wouldn't call this a problem! It's a chance at happiness! You know, you don't pick who you fall in love with. And, even if you did, Tomoyo's definitely a good choice."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"Obviously. If you didn't know it, you wouldn't have fallen for her, ne?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So go for it! What's holding you back, anyway? Get over this little 'fear' thing! You know Tomoyo better than that! She wouldn't ever hurt you! I don't think she has it in her! Even if she turned you down, she'd be ridiculously polite about it! What's the worst that can happen?"  
  
Sounds like famous last words to me.  
  
~~~~~red tulips declare love.  
  
Another short chapter. I'm sorry, I'll make the next one longer! 


	10. Snapdragons

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo.  
  
Thanks to Serenity Blossom, nobody special, AnmineGal, and Simplicity for reviewing ^^ Wow that's the most reviews I've gotten for a chapter yet!!! ^^ *excited* Hope you like this chapter!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 10: Snapdragons~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
Today I'll tell her.  
  
It took a lot of begging (something I *don't* do), but I convinced Sakura to come to dinner with us. She can 'conveniently' disappear on the walk home. That way, I decrease my chances of making an idiot of myself in front of the girl of my dreams.  
  
Now if I could just calm down enough to think straight.  
  
Since Tomoyo lives between Sakura and I, I'll pick her up first. And, walking, it's a good ten minutes from her house to Sakura's. Great. Ten minutes alone with her. Normally, I'd be ecstatic for an opportunity like this. But, normally, I'm not this freaking nervous around her.   
  
I'm acting like a lovesick schoolgirl, damnit! Get a grip on yourself, Shaoran! It's just Tomoyo! *Tomoyo*, the one you've been friends with half your life! Nothing to freak out about!  
  
I guess that means I'd better ring the doorbell, huh. I've only been standing on her doorstep the past five minutes. People are going to start to think I'm some kind of freak.  
  
ding dong  
  
"Hello? Shaoran-kun!"  
  
"Hey, Tomoyo."  
  
That's it, keep your cool, don't look directly at her, you can handle this without blushing.   
  
"Let's go, shall we?"  
  
"Aa."  
  
Walking, walking... I guess I'd better start a conversation or this is going to be a hell of an awkward ten minutes.  
  
"So, where did you want to go tonight for dinner, Tomoyo?"  
  
"Ah, I don't know, where do you think we should go?"  
  
"...I don't know either. Let's ask Sakura what she wants to do when we get to her house."  
  
"Sure!"  
  
O~kay! That was pitiful! Let's try again, shall we?  
  
"Tomoyo..."  
  
"Hm? What is it, Shaoran-kun?"  
  
"I'm happy, you seem to have cheered up a bit."  
  
"Yeah, it's all thanks to you, Shaoran!"  
  
"To me? What'd I do?"  
  
"Made me feel special! You let me pick where we went, let me drag you on all the rides, and you even saved me from that guy!"  
  
"It was no big deal... I'm just glad you're happy. I was a little worried, you know."  
  
"Oh, you don't have to worry about me! I just get a little stressed out sometimes, that's all. But thanks. That's really nice of you."  
  
Stressed out, right. I really wonder if that's all that's been going on. She seemed more sad than stressed to me...  
  
"Anytime. I'm always here for ya, you know that!"  
  
"Yeah, you can count on me too!"  
  
I don't think I've ever been this enthusiastic before. It's so... so, not me. I guess love really does change people, huh.  
  
"Hey! Tomoyo-chan, Shaoran-kun! How was your walk over here?" She winks at me. Rather blatantly, I might add, which is making me blush... She must think Tomoyo's as clueless as she is. Which is *not* a good sign for me. Maybe I shouldn't have asked Sakura to come with us, after all...  
  
"Hey, Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Hi."  
  
Meilin's always telling me I oughta try to sound more friendly... but it's just not me. I wonder if it bothers Tomoyo, though... maybe, for *her*, I could change...  
  
"So where are we going for dinner?"  
  
"Up to you two."  
  
That's how it always is; I don't really like to pick where we go. Wherever, whatever, it's pretty much okay by me. Maybe I'm too passive, but I figure it's easier to let them decide where *they* want to go. There's only one thing I really mind...  
  
"How about Chinese?"  
  
...And Sakura just hit the nail on the head. Yes, 'Chinese' food just bothers me. It bothers me because there's nothing Chinese about it. Not much of a reason to dislike something, I guess, but it bothers me all the same. I've always been like that... I may be annoyed, but that doesn't mean I have a rational reason for it.  
  
"..."  
  
"Oh, Just kidding, Shaoran-kun, we know you better than that."  
  
"Poor Shaoran-kun, we're always picking on him, aren't we, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"You don't bother me, Tomoyo... just this one, over here." I point to Sakura and she laughs.   
  
"Yeah... you know, Tomoyo-chan, I don't think you have it in you to be mean to someone."  
  
"Do you really think so? I think I'm pretty mean sometimes... but thanks, guys!"  
  
Ah, Tomoyo... ever the innocent angel. She takes being nice to the extreme. I worry about her sometimes, if only just for that.  
  
"So, where are we going? And *not* Chinese, please!"  
  
"How about Italian?"  
  
"Yeah, it's been a while since we've gone out for Italian..."  
  
"Then, it's decided?"  
  
"Sure, Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Aa."  
  
This is kind of sad, I can barely even hold a *conversation* with Tomoyo without Sakura here to help! Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all... Great, now I've got little Meilins in my head, telling me to 'Shut up, Shaoran!', 'talk to her already!' and 'just tell her already!'  
  
Once we arrived at the restaurant, I sat facing Sakura and Tomoyo, although I only really wanted to look at one of them. I'm trying my best to hide it, but I can't help but stare at Tomoyo.   
  
Long, lavender hair framing her face and falling to her waist in gentle waves. Pastel-pink lace over a white shirt. Tomoyo always looks so beautiful, so... ethereal...  
  
How could I have a chance with a veritable living, breathing angel?  
  
Halfway through dinner, and Sakura's 'conveniently' on her 9th trip to the restroom... Someone needs to teach that girl the art of being subtle.   
  
Hopefully that person won't be me. If all goes well, rather than spending time with Sakura, my time will be occupied by the vision of loveliness sitting across from me right now. That reminds me, since Sakura's... occupied at the moment, I really oughta start a conversation, shouldn't I...  
  
"It's really too bad our weekend's almost over..."  
  
...Or maybe I won't have to...  
  
"Yeah, it is... but next weekend's only 5 days away! And, if you get really stressed during the week, you know who to call, right?"  
  
"Yes. You *do* know that I may just take you up on your offer, right...?"  
  
"I was hoping you would! Why else would I have made it?"  
  
Sakura's back again. Wonder how long she'll stay with us *this* time. Actually, I wonder how she keeps coming up with excuses to go!   
  
"So, how's it going, guys?"  
  
"Well, Sakura-chan, seeing as we're all basically finished, what shall we do now?"  
  
"Do you want to go anywhere else, guys?"  
  
"Um... I have a... um... project, yeah, that's it! I have a project I have to do for work tomorrow, so I should probably go home... don't worry about me, go wherever you feel like going!"  
  
"O-okay, Sakura-chan..."  
  
I sweatdrop. A project? How... original.   
  
"So, it's up to you, Tomoyo. Where do you want to go?" I flash her a smile. Gotta play up this 'charming' thing.  
  
"Hm..." Tomoyo seriously looks like she's considering going out with me, just the two of us. I can't believe it! That is, can't believe it in an 'I'm so glad sort of way'. I honestly thought she'd just want to go home!  
  
"Well?"  
  
"What would *you* like to do? After all, Sakura-chan and I have made all the decisions lately."  
  
"Well, that's because... I don't really mind where we go. I just want you and Sakura to be happy..."   
  
I can't believe I just said that... how lame!  
  
"Shaoran... that's so sweet of you..."  
  
"Hey, you two are my best friends, after all. It's no big deal. So, where do you want to go? Anywhere you want, your wish is my command."  
  
"How about we go get some coffee, then? We can walk in the park as we drink it. It's a lovely evening, after all."  
  
"Sounds good to me!"  
  
Walking, walking, walking... yeah, the park *is* 'lovely' right now, but I really oughta say something.   
  
"Hey, it's kind of cold... are you all right?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine..."  
  
"Oh, okay. Tomoyo..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Um, I..."  
  
Okay, I'm not gonna blush, I'm not gonna stammer, I'm not gonna... aw, screw it. I'll just...   
  
Just... gently grab Tomoyo's wrist, and pull her towards me... Wrap an arm around her waist, cup her face in my hand.  
  
Am I really doing this? What the hell's wrong with me? She's gonna kill me!  
  
But she's so soft... and warm... and I can't help it, I'm finding myself leaning down, pressing my lips against hers... A chaste kiss, yeah, but it's still way out of line. This is the first I've even hinted at *liking* Tomoyo... she's never gonna forgive me...  
  
Although I don't entirely regret it... so quick, such an unprecedented kiss, but so wonderful... Man, what I'd give for Tomoyo to feel the same way... she's perfect, perfect.  
  
Crap, back to reality, Shaoran. Back to the girl you just kissed out of the blue. She's got no idea you've been in love with her for God knows how long. She's probably wondering just what the hell is wrong with you. She's probably torn between slapping you and crying... maybe both... after all, you're her best friend's 'boyfriend'.  
  
I open my eyes to see... yeah, that's a pretty accurate description of it.   
  
Stupid Shaoran... look at what you did to her...  
  
What the hell am I gonna do *now*?!   
  
~~~~~snapdragons symbolize an impetuous act. 


	11. Jonquils and a Broken Heart

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo fluff. It's a little angsty but it'll get happy, promise.   
  
Thanks to Serenity Blossom, Simplicity and AnimeGal for reviewing~! lots of reviews again, I was really happy~!!! you guys are the best!   
  
sorry it took so long to update~ i had the chapter written, but my computer hates me! so ill put up two ^^ hope that makes up for it!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 11: Jonquils and a Broken Heart~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
"Shaoran..."  
  
"Tomoyo, I..."  
  
"Shaoran, how could you... why?!"  
  
Why... Because you're beautiful? Because you're perfect? Because I love you? Because I have for years, and because I need you to know? Because I can't control myself anymore? Because I want you so badly, I'm reduced to asking both Sakura *and* Meilin for advice? I can't explain why! It'd take forever!  
  
"Tomoyo... I, I think I'm in love with you. No, I *know* I am. I have been for a few years, now, and..."  
  
"No... no, you're not... this is a joke... it isn't funny! Please, stop it already, Shaoran! Please!"  
  
Please stop crying... you're breaking my heart... in more ways than one. Please stop, Tomoyo...  
  
"Tomoyo, I..."  
  
"Shaoran, I... please don't do this to me. First, out of nowhere, you kiss me, then you tell me you love me?! How could you play with my feelings like this? You said I could trust you! Do you even reali..."  
  
"Reali... realize? Realize what?"  
  
"It's nothing, nevermind. ...Why would you do this? What about Sakura? You love her! And I'm her best friend! Don't you see how wrong that is?!"  
  
"Tomoyo... I know what it seems like, but it's not true. I don't love Sakura, I haven't for a while. She doesn't love me, either..."  
  
"That's not true! You're still together after 15 years! You *must* be in love!"  
  
"I- Tomoyo... how do you feel about me?"  
  
I'll take a chance... after all, this is already turning out to be as bad as it possibly can be. At least I'll know...  
  
"I... you... that doesn't matter. What matters is that you and Sakura are my two best friends... don't you realize what problems we would cause?!"  
  
"What problems would it cause? I told you, Sakura and I aren't like that. And, Tomoyo, even if we were... don't *you* realize that your feelings *matter*?! How can you abuse yourself the way you do?"  
  
"What I do to myself isn't really any of your business, Li. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll head home."  
  
It doesn't matter? Is that a 'yes, I love you, too but I can't say it' or a 'no, I can't stand you and I only put up with you because you're my best friend's boyfriend'?   
  
...Well, not that it has to be one of those extremes, but... somehow I get the feeling it is.  
  
Wait, she's going home by herself? This is bad. I didn't realize- I mean, I guess I did, but I never thought she would ignore me or hate me for telling her something like that...  
  
Well, maybe it's the *way* I told her.   
  
I'm not big on apologizing... hell, I'm not even polite... but I'll make an exception for her.  
  
"Tomoyo- Daidouji-san, please... at least let me walk you home, it's cold, and dark. I'd feel bad leaving you here to walk by yourself."  
  
"Fine... we live in the same direction, anyway."  
  
"...Can I still call you Tomoyo?"  
  
As soon as I said that, her face softened, and she looked almost as if she was going to cry... Aw, man, I can't believe *I'm* the bastard that put that look on her face...  
  
"Sure... if I can still call you Shaoran."  
  
"Tomoyo, I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you..."  
  
"It's all right, and I'm sorry I got so upset... you know, for a moment, I... I was the happiest I've..."  
  
What was that she mumbled? Something like... happy?...   
  
What the hell?  
  
"Happiest...?"  
  
"Oh, I-I mean- it's nothing."  
  
Nothing, huh... she still won't tell me anything...  
  
"Well, if there's any way I can make you happy, tell me... okay? I hate seeing you sad..."  
  
"Yeah...thanks, Shaoran."  
  
From experience, I know 'yeah', coming from Tomoyo, doesn't mean a damn thing. She's not going to tell me anything. Damn it!  
  
But I wonder if it was something *I* did that made her happy?  
  
Anyway, back to my present situation... Damn. I can't believe I just confessed to the girl I love and she doesn't love me. What's even more suprising is the fact that I'm still talking with her, as friendly as ever. I mean, it's not that anything could make me mad at Tomoyo... but I'm surprised that I'm still relatively calm. Guess it hasn't set in yet.   
  
But, she doesn't love me... I... I have to do *something*. I just don't know what that something is.  
  
~~~~~a gift of jonquils says 'please love me' 


	12. Helenium and Hemlock

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 12: Helenium and Hemlock~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
I- I can't believe what just happened. Am I really awake?  
  
Shaoran Li told me he loves me? That he has for years?  
  
He loves me? He *kissed* me?!  
  
How can he love me if he loves Sakura? ...He can't, can he.   
  
At least not with his whole heart... and he's not the type to do anything halfheartedly.   
  
I know he loves Sakura... Meilin told me to look for proof, and I did. When Shaoran and I arrived at Sakura's this evening, she winked at him, and he blushed. She was smiling at him all evening, and I saw how nervous it was making him. It was so cute, like they were sharing a secret they're keeping from the rest of the world. They're so in love... and, jealous bitch that I am, I spent the whole time sitting there wishing he'd blush like that over me instead of her.   
  
But I don't want that to happen if it's going to hurt Sakura.  
  
So what the hell was the kiss all about? What the hell was he telling me he loved me for? Doesn't he realize how hard he's making things for me? Doesn't he realize that I truly *do* love him? And that, even if I *do* conceal them, my feelings are real and shouldn't to be trifled with?  
  
Is this some kind of freaking test?! To see how much I can deal with before I snap and destroy my friendship for the sake of unrequited love?!  
  
My handsome, gallant, kind Shaoran... I can't believe he'd pull something like this...   
  
I can't understand... what would make him do such a thing?   
  
I know he's not the kind of person to cheat on Sakura. He's too honest... but what was he trying to do?  
  
I'll bet it was a joke. A cruel joke, but a joke all the same. He probably just didn't realize it would hurt me this much.  
  
But how could anyone think something like that would be funny, in any sense? I just don't get it.  
  
Wait... I think I might know what brought this about...   
  
Could it have been Meilin?  
  
Meilin knows how I feel about Shaoran... she knows that I'd never say anything to him... and, I know she's a good friend and a wonderful person, she must have only had good intentions...   
  
But, given the situation, it's only reasonable to think she may have had something to do with this.  
  
Not that I blame her. I'm sure she was only trying to help. I can see how this might have been an attempt to make me happy... she's such a good friend.   
  
I just don't understand what possessed Shaoran to go along with it. Hey, at least he doesn't hate me after finding out that I'm in love with him!  
  
But would Meilin tell him something like that? That's what doesn't fit... I don't think she'd do that... we're too close, I really doubt she'd tell him after I asked her not to... I trust her...  
  
If it wasn't Meilin, did he figure it out on his own? Wow, I must be doing an awful job of hiding it, if Shaoran picked up on it... he's not the most perceptive of people...  
  
But, *did* he realize how I feel about him? Was he trying to prove a point, to make me realize how wrong it would be? Was he maybe trying to turn my feelings by giving me reasons to hate him?  
  
As if I could ever hate him.  
  
I just hope he doesn't hate me for reacting like that. I was only doing what I thought was best at the time...   
  
Was it for the best? Should I have told Shaoran I love him?  
  
Would telling him get me anywhere? After that, I really don't know.  
  
~~~~~helenium symbolizes tears  
  
~~~~~hemlock means 'you wil cause my death'  
  
yet another short chapter, sorry! ill make the next one longer! ^^ 


	13. Mindful of Hyacinths

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo sap.  
  
Thanks to Simplicity, Serenity Blossom, and Cindy for reviewing ^^ !!!!!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 13: Mindful of Hyacinths~~~~~  
  
Sakura's POV  
  
ring, ring  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Sakura!"  
  
"Shaoran! Why are you calling? What's wrong? You sound upset..."  
  
"Sakura, Tomoyo didn't know! She thought it was a joke, that I was still in love with you... she wouldn't take me seriously, and she was hurt I'd do something like that to her..."  
  
"Hoeee?! She thinks *what*?! Isn't it kind of, like, obvious?!"  
  
I thought *I* was the one everyone made fun of for being ditzy! Tomoyo's the one that notices everything right away! So why didn't she notice Shaoran and I aren't in love? She's always with us! Isn't it more than a little obvious?  
  
"What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't deal with her being upset with me like this, and it's killing me that I was turned down by the girl of my dreams! I mean, she didn't even have a good reason!"  
  
"Shaoran..."  
  
"Please; don't get all quiet and sympathetic on me, Sakura! I don't need that right now! I mean, I do, but that's not gonna help me win over Tomoyo..."  
  
"So you still want to!? You haven't given up?! That's great!"  
  
"Well... ah... I'm going to give it one more try... because, you know..."  
  
"Now you're getting all quiet on me... you're embarrassed about something... what is it?! Ooh, what, what, what?!"  
  
"Shut up! It's nothing!"  
  
"Shaoran, you know I know you better than to believe that..."  
  
"All right! Fine! She mumbled something about being happy for the first time, so I guess I have some kind of strange hope that maybe she *does* like me after all. That and I can't stop thinking about the kiss..."  
  
"First time? Happy? I don't get it, I thought Tomoyo was always happy... but happy is good! And, wait a second, kiss?!"  
  
"Kiss? What are you talking about, kiss?!"  
  
"Shaoran-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I thought we just went through this... I can tell when you're hiding something... especially when you're not doing a good job of it."  
  
"All right, fine. I kissed her. I didn't mean to, it just... happened. I guess that's what made her freak. After all, out of the blue, here's her best friend's boyfriend, kissing her. But, I mean, man..."  
  
"Ya know... they say you can tell if it's love or not with the first kiss."  
  
"And just who says that?"  
  
"Of course you've heard of true love's first kiss and all that!"  
  
"Aa..."   
  
"Well then?!"  
  
"...hn...I don't see what this has to do with anything..."  
  
"*Shaoran*!"  
  
"Fine. Yes. I love her. Happy?"  
  
"Really?!"  
  
"...Aa."  
  
"Wai! Kawaiiiiiii!"  
  
"O-oi, yamete!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry. You get so embarrassed about things like this, Shaoran! I mean, we're on the phone, don't worry, you can blush all you want. No one can see you. Blushing never killed anyone, anyway."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"So what was it like?!"  
  
"...Goodbye, Sakura, I'll talk to you later! But, thanks for the encouragement."  
  
"Aw, you're no fun. 'Kay, bye, Shaoran. And, remember, true love conquers all!"  
  
"Hn, again with the 'true love'. Sakura, life isn't a romance novel..."  
  
"But it isn't as mechanical as you'd like to think, either, Shaoran."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Haha, guess I win this one? ...Bye Shaoran!"  
  
click  
  
She didn't notice?! We're obviously *not* together! How could Tomoyo think Shaoran was kidding?   
  
Maybe she doesn't feel the same way, and just didn't know what else to say?   
  
That's not Tomoyo at all, though! She's always nice about *everything*... and she would never lie like that.  
  
"Ah! I just don't get it!"  
  
"Get what?"  
  
"Oh, Kero-chan!"  
  
"So what don't you get? Was that Tomoyo on the phone? Was she telling you about a new recipe? Is that what you don't get? Ooh, I hope you figure it out, I'll bet it's great!"  
  
"W-where did *that* come from?"  
  
"I'm hungry... it was wishful thinking!"  
  
"Kero-chan, this is serious!"  
  
"Fine, fine, what's the problem?"  
  
"Shaoran's in love with Tomoyo-chan! Meilin and I convinced him to tell her, and he did!"  
  
"The brat's in love with Tomoyo?!"  
  
"Yeah, and, what's worse, she got upset!"  
  
"Well, I would, too, if that brat was in love with me!"  
  
"Kero-chan!!!"  
  
"Okay... why did she get upset?"  
  
"That's the worst part! Tomoyo thinks Shaoran still loves *me*!"  
  
"What?! That ended years ago! Tomoyo's not that slow! Besides, even *you* would have picked up on it by now!"  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean... wait a second! *Kero!* ...But, still. I don't get it! Why did she turn him down? Tomoyo wouldn't lie about something like that, especially not if someone else's feelings were on the line."  
  
"Yeah, you're right... she must have been preoccupied... hm... preoccupied... Hm... last time I saw Tomoyo..."  
  
"But what could keep her from noticing something like that?"  
  
"She was distant... and she seemed... and she wouldn't look at... *oh*!... I get it!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ne, Sakura, Tomoyo's been acting weird lately, right?"  
  
"Um... yeah, so?" Kero sweatdropped. Is there something I'm missing, here?  
  
"Last time she was over here, she kept looking at the brat."  
  
"O~kay..."  
  
"That's when she got all spacey and stuff!"  
  
"I don't get it..."  
  
"Why do you think she was acting like that?"  
  
"She said it was something about work."   
  
Gods, Kero was *there*! He heard her! What is he asking me stupid questions like this for? How is this going to help anything?  
  
"Aho! That was an *excuse*! Tomoyo doesn't talk about what's on her mind! She doesn't want you guys to worry! You haven't noticed that yet?!"  
  
"...Tomoyo-chan..."  
  
"You mean you really didn't realize?!"  
  
"..."  
  
"Sakura... I, um, wait... don't look so sad... Sorry I yelled at you."  
  
"No... how can I call myself Tomoyo's friend if I can't even tell what she's feeling?! And how can she lie about stuff like that?!"  
  
"Sakura... no use getting so upset... why don't you just call Tomoyo?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna. You know, I have to set her straight about this whole thing... She can talk to me about anything, I need her to know that!"  
  
...I still don't get what Kero was driving at before about the spacing out thing, but I'm gonna have to ask him about it later. Right now, I've got to call Tomoyo-chan... Gods, how could I not notice her hiding something? I'm such a bad friend!  
  
~~~~~hyacinths in general represent young love. they can also mean 'please forgive me'. 


	14. Snowdrops and Allspice

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo fluff.  
  
Two chapters in one update again ^^ !! I'm trying to have the story finished before the new term starts at the end of the month~ if i dont, who knows when ill get to update?! T T why does school have to be so damn time consuming?!  
  
~~~~~Chapter 14: Snowdrops and Allspice~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"S-sakura-chan."  
  
Great, it's Sakura... what am I supposed to do? Should I tell her what happened with Shaoran? I don't think he was trying to cheat on her... I don't want to believe he'd do that! And she might get the wrong idea if I tell her...  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, I just wanted to... wanted to say I'm sorry for never noticing when you were hurt or upset. I- I mean, Kero pointed it out to me a little while ago... you try to protect me from worrying by hiding it. I'm so sorry... I don't care if it makes me worry, you can tell me anything! Seriously... that's what friends are for..."  
  
"What?! I-I don't really hide... well... Thanks, Sakura-chan. I really do feel that I can tell you anything..."  
  
Anything within reason, that is... I can't tell her about my feelings for Shaoran, after all... But, what brought *this* on?  
  
"I'm glad... thanks for counting on me, Tomoyo. Um... oh, yeah... I also called to ask about what happened with Shaoran-kun..."  
  
What?!  
  
"How- how do you know about that?!"  
  
"What do you mean, 'how do I know'? I'm the one that told him to do it, silly!"  
  
Oh, God... that's what it was about... I guess that means I was right... he was doing it to discourage my feelings... I guess that means Sakura knows I'm in love with her boyfriend... Damn, what if she hates me!? I'd better fix this... somehow.  
  
"Sakura-chan... I'm so sorry! I'm sorry... I know I should have told you, but I don't want to lose our friendship, it's too important to me! You're the sister I never had, Sakura-chan... please don't hate me for this!"  
  
"Hate you?! What would I hate you for?!"  
  
"You're the best friend I've ever had... it's awful! I'm so sorry, Sakura-chan! I didn't mean to! It just kind of happened, and I hid it for years, but I guess I couldn't keep the front up anymore... I didn't mean to let you guys find out... I don't want things to change... please don't hate me, I didn't do it on purpose... it just..."  
  
"Um... Tomoyo-chan... what are you talking about?"  
  
Moral of the story: jumping to conclusions can lead to falling flat on your ass.  
  
"I... um... well..."  
  
"Tomoyo-chan! What could be so bad that you think I'd hate you over it?!"  
  
"I- I love Shaoran!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I'm so sorry, Sakura... I really am, and I'd never try to break you two up or anything... I feel so bad about it..."  
  
"Tomoyo-chan..."  
  
"See?! You *do* hate me for it... I just know it..."  
  
"I don't get it..."  
  
"Please don't let it break up our friendship... I promise I'll stay away from him! I never wanted to take him away from you in the first place... I'm sorry... so sorry..."  
  
"Tomoyo-chan."  
  
Her voice took a soft tone... I guess this means she's not angry... is she disappointed in me? Hurt? What am I supposed to say? I have no idea what she's thinking right now...   
  
"..."  
  
"If you're in love with him... why the *hell* did you turn him down?!!"  
  
"W-what?!"  
  
That was... unexpected.   
  
"Why did I turn him down?! Because he's *your* boyfriend, for God's sake! Sakura, you've been dating him for 15 years! Why the hell *wouldn't* I turn him down?!"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan... Shaoran and I aren't... I don't love him anymore."  
  
"He told me the same thing... I don't get it! You guys are always together..."  
  
"And you're always with us!"  
  
"But... when we went to dinner! You were winking at him, and smiling, and he kept blushing..."  
  
"Tomoyo! that was because I had convinced him to confess to you!"  
  
"What?! You- you mean..."  
  
"Shaoran really loves you, Tomoyo! He was serious!"  
  
I feel faint...  
  
"I-I... me? Shaoran... loves *me*?"  
  
"Tomoyo... he really does. He called me to let me know how things went... and, when I heard... I just had to call you. I'm sorry... I never thought *this* would happen, I should have told you before... I didn't know you were in love with him..."  
  
"You mean... you really don't mind that he loves me? You two *really* aren't together?"  
  
Gee, asking questions she's already answered. Go me.  
  
I still don't really believe it, though... I'm dreaming... I know I am...  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, are you kidding?! Shaoran's like a brother to me! And you're my best friend! I couldn't be happier you two fell for each other!"  
  
"Sakura..."  
  
Oh. My. God. Shaoran really *does* love me! He does! *Me*!  
  
... At least he *did*... But, um... what about now?   
  
What if I've ruined everything?!  
  
"Sakura-chan... is Shaoran angry with me?"  
  
"Huh? Why would he be angry?"  
  
"I- I turned him down, didn't I? Did I ruin my only chance with him? Oh, Sakura..."  
  
"Tomoyo... Shaoran *loves* you. He would never give up on you for a misunderstanding like that... and, if he did, I'd kill him for it! I'm sure it'll be fine. But..."  
  
"But?"  
  
"Are you gonna tell him how you feel?!"  
  
"W-what?! No!"  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Tomoyo-chan! He's in love with you and he's already told you! If he doesn't find out you feel the same way... maybe he *will* give up hope!"  
  
"But- I can't! I-I've never..."  
  
"Never what?"  
  
"Never told anyone anything like that before..."  
  
"There's a first time for everything, ne?"  
  
Gods, what an optimist...  
  
"But what if I mess it up?"  
  
"You won't! And, if you do, it's only Shaoran, Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
Advice like Sakura's sure doesn't help alleviate this overwhelming, nervous feeling I have... It's only *Shaoran*? *Only*?! Is she *kidding*?! The mere thought of Shaoran actually having meant what he said is making me dizzy!  
  
I know... I *do* have to fix this situation and tell him... but I really don't know how to do it without making an idiot of myself.  
  
"Thanks, Sakura-chan... thanks for everything."  
  
"Hey, what are best friends for?"  
  
"I only hope I'm as good a friend to you as you are to me... Do you mind if I go now? I'd like to think for a while."  
  
"Of course, Tomoyo-chan! Go ahead, think all you want... but don't think sad thoughts! Remember, Shaoran's in love with you, and you love him! Everything'll turn out peachy-keen, you'll see."  
  
"Thanks, Sakura-chan! Bye!"  
  
"Bye!"  
  
Love, huh?   
  
Shaoran loves me...  
  
~~~~~snowdrops are for consolation, but they can also represent friendship in trouble  
  
~~~~~allspice is for compassion  
  
aggh i know im dragging this out too much... dont mean to its just happening that way! i promise theyll confess in the next update ^^ so stick with me please~! 


	15. Syringa

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
Thank you soooo much to Simplicity and Serenity Blossom for reviewing ^^ ! Honestly, since this is a really obscure pairing I figured I would only get like two reviews for the whole story... but you guys review every update! (and serenity, every chapter!) Thanks for being so nice to me~!! ^^  
  
um, there's definitely OOCness in this chapter ^^'  
  
~~~~~Chapter 15: Syringa~~~~~  
  
Sakura's POV  
  
Man... it's been three days since I talked to Tomoyo about Shaoran! Why the hell hasn't she said anything to him yet? They haven't even spoken in days... nothing's gonna happen this way.  
  
"Ne, Kero-chan, what should we do about Tomoyo-chan?"  
  
"Hm... neither one of them has called the other?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Talked to either of them in the past few days?"  
  
"No."  
  
"She's probably afraid you were just saying that... and I bet the brat's convinced Tomoyo hates him."  
  
"B-but... that won't...! We need...!"  
  
"Yeah... so let's make a plan!"  
  
"Plan? Why don't I just arrange another of our weekend things? The cards and I can take it from there!"  
  
"But that's so boring...!"  
  
"No, we'll have fun! And it'll be sooo romantic... just you wait!"  
  
"Fine... but I'm coming with you!"  
  
Hm... seems simple enough, right? But which cards should I use? And what should I do with them? Actually, I'd rather not use them unless I have to... maybe I can do this on my own? After all, if they love each other, it shouldn't be *too* hard to get them together!  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan~!"  
  
"Hi, Sakura-chan! How are you?"  
  
"Great! I was wondering, want to go for coffee on Saturday?"  
  
"Sure! But, wait... Shaoran-kun's not coming, too, is he?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Sakura-chan... as much as I love Shaoran-kun, both as a friend and otherwise... I'm kind of... confused as to what to say to him. I'd feel kind of awkward... I need some time to figure out just what I'm going to do..."  
  
"Oh, come on, Tomoyo-chan! He loves you, you love him; how hard can it be?"  
  
"But... I-I kind of made a mess of things..."  
  
"Aw, I'm sure that doesn't matter too much to him, Tomoyo-chan! In fact, I know he still likes you~!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Tomoyo-chan... I haven't invited him yet, but... are you sure you don't want me to? Even if you don't confess to him or anything, he's still our friend..."  
  
"Not to mention great to look at!"  
  
"What?! That is definitely the most un-Tomoyo-ish thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth..."  
  
"Hey, you said you wanted me to tell you everything, right?"  
  
"Haha, yeah, you're right... So, am I calling him or not?"  
  
"Fine, call him... but, you'd better not leave me alone with him... 'cause I..."  
  
"Okay, okay! I won't, promise!"  
  
Little does Tomoyo know my fingers were crossed... hahaha...  
  
All right, I'm being a little immature... but if it gets them together...!  
  
"Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Uh... yes?"  
  
Why are you laughing?"  
  
"L-laughing? I'm not laughing! That was, um... static! Yeah! My phone's been acting funny lately...kshhhkschhkschh! See?" (A/N: I have no idea how you would describe static in writing...)  
  
"Uh...all right then..."  
  
"So, tomorrow at 1?"  
  
"Sure, sounds good to me!"  
  
"Bye!"  
  
"See you tomorrow!"  
  
All right, now to call Shaoran!  
  
Too bad Meilin isn't here... we could have *so* much fun with this!  
  
ring  
  
"Hello?!"  
  
"Whoa there, Shaoran... a little on edge?"  
  
"Oh... Sakura. Hey, what's up?"  
  
"Nothing, really... although, I'm kinda wondering why you answered the phone on the first ring... you've only got one phone in your apartment..."  
  
"I was just... uh... passing by it! Yeah, that's it... I was definitely *not* sitting by the phone waiting for someone to call... Hah, what kind of idiot would do something like that, anyway?"  
  
"Haha, I see... waiting for Tomoyo, huh?"  
  
"More like hoping... although, by now, it's only wishful thinking... it's been days since I've talked to her! She must hate me..."  
  
"Shaoran... you're whining."  
  
"Aa? Ack! W-what are you talking about, Sakura?! I *don't* whine!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry."  
  
Haha, gotta love Shaoran... he's so proud, it's adorable! And he must have fallen pretty damn hard for Tomoyo to be sitting by the phone for 3 days...  
  
"Hn. So why *did* you call?"  
  
"Oh, yeah! Forgot about that! Want to go for coffee tomorrow? Like, around 1?"  
  
"Sure... why not? I have nothing else to do..."  
  
"Hey, it'll cheer you up! Stop moping... it's undignified."  
  
I'm not being nice... but, hanging around Shaoran for 15 years, I can't help but push his buttons every once in a while... and I'm having fun!  
  
"Undignified?! Who's moping, anyway!?"  
  
"Shaoran... why don't you just call Tomoyo-chan and get it over with?"  
  
"NO! She hates me! I don't want to make things worse... damn, she probably doesn't even want to still be friends!"  
  
"Shaoran, you know Tomoyo's not like that! *Anyway*! Coming for coffee?"  
  
"Yeah... see you tomorrow."  
  
"Bye~!"  
  
Yes!! It's all set up... now it's up to them...   
  
Not that they won't have a little help... after all, what's the use in being the mistress of the cards if you can't use them?  
  
~~~~~syringa says 'you will be happy yet'. 


	16. Hibiscus

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
~~~~~Chapter 16: Hibiscus~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
12:45... Sakura should be here soon. I almost wish Tomoyo was coming, too... just to see her again. I can't get her out of my mind... I guess I really *do* love her.  
  
Heh, how sappy of me... I guess that's why Sakura's teasing was getting to me yesterday. She was right. I *was* sitting by the phone, waiting for an angel to call and make everything go away. I'm finding myself wanting a fairy-tale ending. I want to be Tomoyo's knight in shining armor. She's more beautiful to me than I had imagined any woman could possibly be.  
  
Not that I'll ever admit to any of it. Hah, it's bad enough to have it going around in my head. If someone said something like that to me about their own feelings for someone... I'd probably throw up on their shoes or something. Yuck. Too sappy.  
  
Guess love does strange things to people, huh.  
  
Oh! Hey, that's ...   
  
*not* Sakura... that's Tomoyo! What the hell is she doing here?  
  
Do I look okay?  
  
Wait, forget that!  
  
What the hell am I gonna say to her?!  
  
She hasn't noticed me yet... maybe, if I pretend I don't see her...   
  
Wait, isn't that kind of mean?  
  
Damn... doesn't matter, now, anyway... she's seen me. Obviously not too happy about it, either, considering she looks like a scared rabbit...  
  
Man, I'm so sorry, Tomoyo... I never meant to fuck your life up like this... I just couldn't help falling in love with you... you're just so goddamn perfect it makes my head hurt to think about it.  
  
"Ah... ano... hello, Shaoran-kun."  
  
"Hey."   
  
What should I say? What should I do?  
  
Should I try to sound disinterested? No, then she'll think I was just messing with her feelings for the hell of it. Cheerful? Wait, how often do *I* sound cheerful? That'd be a little too obviously forced... um... casual?  
  
How about I just try to myself from jumping her? From telling her the truth, that I'm so in love with her I can't even think straight?   
  
Been there, tried that, made a fool of myself. Let's hope we can keep the hormones in check this time, Shaoran.  
  
Since when did I talk to myself, anyway?  
  
"So... what's up, Tomoyo-san? Haven't seen you in a while..."  
  
Four days... yeah, an eternity to me, but that must have sounded ridiculous to her...   
  
"Yes... it really has been a while... I'm here to meet Sakura-chan. How about you?"  
  
Why is she so formal? Did I scare her that badly? Does she really hate me that much? Is this all forced pleasantry?  
  
"Uh... Actually, I'm supposed to meet Sakura here, too."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Wow, she sounded surprised at that... guess she didn't know? Although, Sakura didn't tell me Tomoyo was coming, either. Damn her, this better not be some plot to get us together... after the way the last one went...  
  
"Heh, yeah... wonder where she is..."  
  
"Well, um... want to sit down while we wait for her?"  
  
All right! She's gradually going back to the Tomoyo I know and love... not that I don't love this one, too, but you know what I mean. Hah, she seems almost shy though... maybe it's just my imagination... after all, what would be causing that?  
  
"Sure! It's kinda cold, too... want me to get us some coffee?"  
  
"Sounds great... if you don't mind, I'd like mine-"  
  
"Black with two sugars, right?"  
  
"Haha... you remembered?"  
  
"Of course! I'll be right back, okay?"  
  
"Sure! I'll be over here."  
  
Score one for me! At least I made her smile... that's gotta be worth *something*, right?   
  
Damn, this line is long... well, not like out-the-door long, more like 2 people in front of me... but, I mean, really! Don't they know my entire love life is depending on this coffee?  
  
...  
  
Well, not *really*... but it's much more dramatic that way. You know, slay a few dragons, storm a castle or two, get some coffee, and the princess will fall all over you, every time. And then we'll live happily ever after.  
  
Oh, man... there is *seriously* something wrong with me lately.  
  
"Hey, what's your order?"  
  
You know, I half expected Sakura's brother to be working here... he seems to turn up just about everywhere.  
  
"Two coffees, please... one black with two sugars, one with milk, no sugar."  
  
"All right, one minute... Hey, is that your girlfriend?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The girl you came in with... she's really hot!"  
  
"It's not...WHAT?!"  
  
"So, she isn't? Great! I get off in, like, ten minutes... guess it's okay to hit on her, then, right?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"But, I thought you said..."  
  
"Well, I guess you thought wrong... she *is* my girlfriend, and you probably don't want to make me mad... So, can I please have our coffee?"  
  
"Sure, man... sorry, didn't mean to piss you off like that. Damn, if my girlfriend looked like *that*, I'd be possessive, too!"  
  
"Hn."  
  
If Tomoyo hadn't been right over there, I would have beaten the crap out of him... damn... I can't believe I'm changing this much for a girl! But, I can't upset her like that... Even if this guy *is* a creep... she's already unhappy with me, can't chance making it worse.  
  
At least she's far enough away to have missed the whole 'she's my girlfriend' thing... that would have been bad.  
  
"Here's your coffee, man. And, just a little advice... never let go of a girl *that* fine."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Kind of a crude way of putting it, but I guess he's got a point... I'd be an idiot to let Tomoyo get away without making a decent effort.  
  
'Tomoyo... I *will* make you realize how much I love you.'  
  
~~~~~hibiscus means 'seize this opportunity'  
  
sorry... again, no confessions! guess i shouldnt have promised, huh... its actually the next chapter... and ive written half of it, so itll be up by the weekend ^^ sorry bout that again... just didnt want to have to put three chapters up at once... also, i still need to finish it... and its already 4 in the morning (yawn)... so! it WILL be the next chapter! ^^ sorry again . 


	17. Coffee, Carnations, and Confessions

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
be warned, i dont think things can get much sappier than this chapter~  
  
Lots of thanks to Serenity Blossom, Simplicity, and AnimeGal for reviewing ^_^ you guys rock~  
  
~~~~~Chapter 17: Coffee, Carnations, and Confessions~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
Sakura must have planned this.  
  
I get her ten to one, only to find *Shaoran* waiting!? Oh, my, and he looks so handsome today...  
  
Well, actually, that's every day, isn't it. Anyway.  
  
What the hell am I supposed to say to him? I still feel terrible about getting so upset... he probably thinks I'm a total freak...  
  
"Ah... ano... hello, Shaoran-kun."  
  
"Hey."  
  
Damn, doesn't he sound enthusiastic. Not that I blame him... it's all my fault! Gods, please don't make him hate me... please let there be a way for me to fix this! I haven't talked to him in so long... it's killing me already! What would it be like if he never spoke to me again!?  
  
I'd die.  
  
"So... what's up, Tomoyo-san? Haven't seen you in a while..."  
  
YES! He did miss me... at least a little! I mean, four days only feels like forever when you're waiting for something!  
  
'You have no idea... it's been forever for me...'  
  
Gee, that sounds more than a little desparate. Let's see... more casual...  
  
"Yes... it really has been a while... I'm here to meet Sakura-chan. How about you?"  
  
"Uh... Actually, I'm supposed to meet Sakura here, too."  
  
WHAT? So *that's* why she was laughing on the phone... hah, static... riight.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Heh, yeah... wonder where she is..."  
  
I have a pretty good idea... she's probably somewhere nearby, watching us... damn...  
  
Well, we might as well go in together... it's damn cold out here, and somehow I doubt she's going to make it on time... or even remotely close to it.  
  
And, who can resist an afternoon with someone as wonderful as Shaoran?  
  
Maybe I can get over this whole little awkward thing and tell him the truth...   
  
Maybe.  
  
"Well, um... want to sit down while we wait for her?"  
  
"Sure! It's kinda cold, too... want me to get us some coffee?"  
  
"Sounds great... if you don't mind, I'd like mine-"  
  
"Black with two sugars, right?"  
  
"Haha, you remembered?"  
  
"Of course! I'll be right back, okay?"  
  
"Sure! I'll be over here."  
  
Oh... wow... that's so sweet of him! He remembered something trivial like that... about *me*? He really *is* wonderful...   
  
No wonder I fell in love with Shaoran... he's just, perfect...  
  
Damn, I have to tell him...  
  
The good's starting to outweigh the bad... he's so... handsome, so considerate, so... everything! Even if something awful happens... it's worth a try, isn't it? If I still have any chance of him loving me... any at all... I need to say something *now*.  
  
Well... at least, at some point today. No. I will when he gets back. It won't get any easier if I wait...  
  
He's talking to the guy at the counter... he seems a little upset, though. I wonder if something's wrong?  
  
Well, doesn't really matter... probably none of my business... I'd better concentrate on keeping myself relatively calm. Don't want to make a fool of myself... again.  
  
I guess Sakura really knows what she's doing... I probably wouldn't have had the courage to talk to Shaoran, had we not been thrown together like this...  
  
"Here you go, princess."  
  
Princess? That is so sweet...  
  
"Why, thank you, Lord Shaoran!" *giggle*  
  
Ack, I sound like a schoolgirl. Moving on...  
  
"Thank you for the coffee..."  
  
"It was nothing... did they get it right?"  
  
"Yeah, it's perfect!" 'Like you...'  
  
"Glad to hear it." Man, I love it when he smiles like that...  
  
"Ne... Shaoran-kun... can I talk to you for a minute...?"  
  
"Um... Sure, Tomoyo-san! Something wrong?"  
  
"Well... first of all... it's just Tomoyo... not Tomoyo-san!" *giggle*  
  
Again with the giggling... it's like I've switched into ditz-mode...  
  
"Sorry... guess I... I mean... you know..."  
  
"Yeah... that's what I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
"I -I really am sorry, Tomoyo... I didn't mean to upset you... I honestly..."  
  
"Shaoran... I'm so sorry I didn't believe you. I spoke to Sakura afterwards..."  
  
"Sakura?! What did she tell you?"  
  
"Just that you had broken up with her... and that you had been telling me the truth... I'm so sorry I didn't believe you... it's just that..."  
  
"Just what?"  
  
"Shaoran, I... I love you! I love you so much that it hurts sometimes... and I was so afraid you and Sakura had figured it out, that you were trying to discourage me or something... I really believed you and Sakura were still..."  
  
"You... love me?"  
  
"Yes... Shaoran, I've loved you for so long... you're so wonderful... how could I not? Always so kind... so handsome... so caring...! You're just too perfect... I figured I'd never have a chance..."  
  
"Tomoyo... Tomoyo-chan, I love you, too... I really do."  
  
"Oh, Shaoran..."  
  
"Tomoyo..."  
  
(A/N: insert sappy music here)  
  
This is my daydreams come true... am I honestly awake? Did Shaoran just confess his love for me? Did I for him? It was one thing when Sakura told me Shaoran loved me... but it's completely different coming from him...  
  
No time for this train of thought, though...  
  
Warm arms circling my waist from behind...   
  
"Shaoran..."  
  
As he leans in to kiss me, I absently note that this is how it should have gone the *first* time. Oh, I'm such an idiot, how could I do that to Shaoran!?  
  
This really isn't the time to be thinking about this... I'm about to be *kissed* by the *love of my life*...  
  
"Shaoran, I love you..."  
  
A chaste kiss, at first, almost as if he's afraid I'll react the way I did before... but I could never do that to Shaoran... it hurt to do it the last time... but, as I find myself responding, the kiss is getting deeper... more passionate. Who cares that we're in the middle of a coffee shop? I certainly don't.   
  
He's lapping at my lip... seeking entrance. Twenty something and I've never been kissed like this before... but it was worth the wait, to have Shaoran as my first...  
  
The kiss is so warm, so soft... Shaoran's so gentle. He's just... perfect. My ideal...  
  
I love him, so much...  
  
~~~~~carnations say 'my heart aches for you'  
  
ack im really bad about this whole time thing... again, im really sorry. I WILL write another chapter or two... but heres the confession for those of you getting frustrated with me (sorry!) and, for my true (albeit lame) excuse- history homework is evil. 


	18. On Account of Virgin's Bower

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo (in case you hadnt noticed by now)  
  
I got 6 reviews last chapter~~~!! *cheers* thats twice as many ive ever gotten on a chapter in this story~! lots of thanks to my reviewers:  
  
Serenity Blossom~ my most faithful reviewer ^_^ *hug* thank you sooooo much for reviewing every chapter, at points I kept updating only because you kept reviewing~!  
  
Simplicity~ lately, youre almost always the first one to review when i put a story up, and theyre always so thoughtful ^_^, thanks so much~ glad you didnt think that was too sappy~! I get my flower info from my cousin, she works in a flower shop... i also found a random book on it in my basement! its called the meaning of flowers... exciting name i know.  
  
bratz-fan-girl~ glad you liked it, always great to find another S + T enthusiast... bestest? really!? wow im proud ^_^! and thanks so much for adding me to your favorite authors... i was soo excited when i saw that! ^_^  
  
AnimeGal~ your reviews are always so cheerful~ they make me smile! ^_^ thanks soo much! and thanks for sticking with my story~!   
  
D a r k n e s s in H e a r t~ not having internet sounds evil . but im so glad youre back! oh my, the best story of all time? wow~!!! thanks soo much!!!!! ^_^  
  
Ellie~ so glad you liked it ^_^ yay! another Tomoyo x Shaoran fan!! and you liked the way I wrote it? Wow, thanks!   
  
.  
  
"::this::" is whispering just so ya know ^_^ wasnt sure how to denote it, so i guess this is how ill do it for my story.  
  
~~~~~~Chapter 18: On Account of Virgin's Bower~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
Damn, I'm so glad I didn't give up... I knew it was love from that kiss. I'm glad I 'followed my heart'... Damnit, I've been around Sakura too long.  
  
But that doesn't change the fact that I love Tomoyo, that she makes me happy, that telling her was, *is*, the best thing I could possibly ever do for myself.  
  
Ch, although I was a little pathetic along the way... honestly, *me* sitting by the phone? And I don't think Sakura believed me about that whole 'just passing by' thing...   
  
The things I do for Tomoyo...  
  
In retrospect, I guess it *was* kind of immature, thinking she hated me... we're not in fourth grade anymore. I should have known there would be a reason behind her reaction, Tomoyo's just not like that. I never expected the reason to be that she loved me too, but, well, as Sakura says, 'life's full of pleasant surprises'. I guess she's right... it really is.   
  
But how could Tomoyo think Sakura and I would do something like that to her? I'm a little hurt at that...  
  
But she loves me, I kissed her, she *let* me kiss her... this time, it was even better than the last. It's amazing... I guess love really does make all the difference. Kissing Sakura never felt like *this*...  
  
Speaking of Sakura... I sense her power somewhere nearby. That stupid stuffed animal's, too... damnit, they'd better not be watching us!  
  
It's coming from somewhere in here, the left side of the place...   
  
.  
  
"::Tomoyo... as much as I'd love to stay here and reenact the scene from a few minutes ago, I think we have couple of spies on our hands...::"  
  
"*giggle* ::Shaoran... you *do* know we're in the middle of a coffee shop, right? Of course people can see us!::"  
  
"::...Tomoyo! You know that's not what I mean. I sense Sakura and the stuffed animal...::"  
  
"::Ooh... You know, I figured she'd be around here somewhere... it's not like her to miss out on things like this, especially when she set us up.::"  
  
"::I'm glad she did. I was afraid you'd reject me again, Tomoyo, but she convinced me to talk to you... I love you so much...::"  
  
"::Shaoran... I love you, too... I'm so sorry about before...::"  
  
"::Ch, don't be ridiculous, it wasn't your fault at all, you didn't know... Besides, I could never be mad at someone as pretty as you!::" Follow this with an uncharacteristic wink... after all, she *is* Tomoyo, it's okay to let my harsh front down sometimes.  
  
"::*giggle* Aw, how sweet of you...::" She kissed me for that, ought to do it more often! It was just a peck on the cheek, but my skin's tingling...  
  
"::So, Shaoran... what say we expose our spies?::"  
  
"::Right behind you.::"  
  
"::No... I'll be right behind *you*... After all, I don't know where they are!::"  
  
"::Heh, sorry, forgot about that.::"  
  
"::All right, I'm pretty sure they're over by that wall over there... you're facing it, do you see them?::"  
  
"::Yeah... ooh, that's a pretty pathetic disguise Sakura has on! *giggle* ... Hey, they're not that far away, maybe we can hear what they're saying?::"  
  
.  
  
~"*sigh* Kero, isn't that the cutest thing?"~  
  
~"Yeah, glad to see Tomoyo's happy... even if that *is* the brat she was just kissing there."~  
  
.  
  
"::BRAT? That stupid stuffed toy...::"  
  
"::Haha, Shaoran, it's all right... you can kill him later...::"  
  
Wow, Tomoyo advocating violence? That's a new one...  
  
"::You mean you don't mind?::"  
  
"::'Course not! It's really too bad, but, well... he insulted the love of my life, didn't he?::"  
  
":: ...I love you, Tomoyo.::"  
  
"::I know, now let's listen to them!::"  
  
I have to admit, it's kind of strange... we're spying on our friends, who are spying on us... but, hey, it's fun, isn't it? And I *am* kinda curious as to what they're saying about us...  
  
.  
  
~"Kero! Shaoran's isn't so bad... and Tomoyo loves him."~  
  
Hah! Take *that*, stupid toy...  
  
~"Yeah, it's too bad she's got such bad taste."~  
  
...Insulting me was one thing, but insulting Tomoyo? That thing's definitely dead.  
  
.  
  
"::Hey, Tomoyo... that conversation's not going anywhere good, let's go 'discover' them.::"  
  
"::Definitely... I never thought I'd say this, but Kero's getting on my nerves!::"  
  
.  
  
~"Ne, Kero-chan, why are they so quiet?"~  
  
~"Hm... I don't know... but people act funny when they're in love, don't they?"~  
  
~"Yeah, you're right... Ooh! They're getting up! Wonder where they're going."~  
  
~"Ah, Sakura..."~  
  
~"Hm?"~  
  
"You *are* aware that voyeurism is a crime, are you not?"  
  
"Hoee! S-shaoran?"  
  
"And don't forget me!"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"How did you know we were here?"  
  
"I could sense your magic... but you're not exactly stealthy, anyway."  
  
"I... you know, this isn't what it looks like! Right, Kero-chan?"  
  
"Right! Sakura and I were just getting coffee, and you happened to be in the same shop..."  
  
"Imagine that! Considering Sakura told us to meet her here..."  
  
"Um... I forgot?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Ne, Tomoyo-chan, you're not going to let him get mad at us like this, are you?"  
  
"Hmm, I don't know... you *did* interrupt my afternoon with Shaoran... but, then again, you also were the one to set us up, Sakura-chan... ne, Shaoran, let them live."  
  
"Ch. Even the toy?"  
  
"Please? For me?"  
  
"Hn..."  
  
From the way she's batting her eyes at me, even if we *hadn't* been joking, I would have given in in an instant...  
  
"::Ne, Kero-chan, seems like *someone's* whipped...::"  
  
"::Definitely... didn't know the brat was this weak...::"  
  
Hn. I'll never admit to it, but I guess I *would* do anything Tomoyo asked me to... she's just too pretty, too sweet to say no to. Like when she batted her eyes at me before... who could resist *that*?   
  
Well... I'd do anything within limits, that is. I mean, I'm not going to model those dresses she makes so she can hem them or something. No way in hell.  
  
But, I don't like the connotations with 'whipped', and he called me *weak*! The stuffed animal dies!  
  
"You *are* aware we can hear you?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Whipped, am I?"  
  
"W-well..."  
  
"Go on..."  
  
"Tomoyo! Save us!"  
  
"Haha, you're on your own, guys... you know Shaoran's temper..."  
  
I won't *really* kill them this time... after all, Sakura got us together, like Tomoyo had said before.   
  
I'll just scare 'em a bit.  
  
~~~~~virgin's bower represents filial love  
  
uh, yea the name is a little weird... couldnt really think of one for this chapter, so it was kinda like they love sakura like a sister and all... so they made an exception for her. lol kinda lame but whatever.  
  
I think I made Tomoyo a little too giggly... but shes happy! she just got together with Shaoran! and hes 'dreamy', lol 


	19. Orchid

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
Yay, 6 reviews again! Lots and lots of thanks to my reviewers ^_^ you guys rock!  
  
Serenity Blossom: glad you liked the part where they were exposed! i loved that part in the anime (it was so cute!) so i thought id try to make it sakura this time. and thanks so much for adding me to your favorites~ it brightened my day, lol! ^_^  
  
Simplicity: yea, we definitely dont wanna make shaoran mad... hed be way too scary! you think i should pair sakura with eriol? hmmm, we'll see... ^_^ lol really, pairing sakura off may be a daunting task (in the sense of fitting it into the story)... but im definitely going to figure out a way to do it!  
  
Ellie: you think i should pair sakura with someone, too? guess id better start thinking about it, then... and, yea, kero can be so mean sometimes, cant he! lol~ i think his sarcasms cute though.   
  
Dark_Syaoran: yay, a new reviewer! So glad you liked it! don't doubt yourself though~ i do that all the time... but then im like whatever, whats the worst that can happen and post it anyway ^_^ So, yea! try posting stuff and see what reaction it gets... you can always take it down, right?  
  
bratz-fan-girl: lol, so glad you like my story that much! hm, you want to be in the story? hm. ill try to think of a way to fit you in... not promising anything yet tho~! ^_^  
  
annonymous: haha thanks so much! glad you liked the story! hope you keep reading!  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 19: Orchid~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
.  
  
"Ne, Tomoyo-chan... Shaoran's scary! You could have stopped him, you know..."  
  
"Hn. If I really had intended to hurt you... I would have about half an hour ago."  
  
"Anyway, Sakura-chan, I think you deserved it! *giggle* It had absolutely *nothing* to do with the lovely display of my boyfriend in action... Makes me wish I had my video camera... *sigh* Isn't he dreamy, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"O-oi, Tomoyo...!"  
  
.  
  
I just love saying stuff like that when he's in earshot... it's so cute when he blushes! And it's not like it isn't true! He's so modest.  
  
.  
  
"Suure, suure, whatever you say. Hey, and *speaking* of your *boyfriend*..."  
  
"You mean, the one standing right here? I *do* have a name, you know..."  
  
"Nope! You're my boyfriend, Shaoran-chan, and that's that. So, Sakura-chan... what about him?"  
  
"It's like you guys are attached at the hip or something! You're allllllways together lately! Mou, I never get to spend time with you alone anymore!"  
  
"Hn. What's the point of having the prettiest girl in town as your girlfriend if you can't show her off sometimes?"  
  
"*giggle* So I'm the prettiest, am I?"   
  
.  
  
He gets a kiss for that. Just a little one. We're in public, after all. But it's still enough to make him blush. So cute!  
  
.  
  
"But, Sakura-chan, the three of us spent this much time together *before* Shaoran and I started going out! And you know I'll always make time for you, you're my best friend! *giggle* I don't mind ditching Shaoran-chan every once in a while."  
  
"Hn. Ditching me, huh? You think I don't have anything to do when you two aren't around?"  
  
"But, Shaoran, you don't!" "Shaoran-chan, you do?" (A/N: they're saying that at the same time... i wasn't sure how to write it)  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Fine. No. Not really."  
  
"Aw, poor Shaoran. But, anyway! Tomoyo-chan! We really haven't had a girl's night in forever! What's it been, a year or so?"  
  
"Yeah, something like that, I think..."  
  
"Let's, then! I have so many things to ask you about *everything*!!"  
  
.  
  
If everything entails what I think it does... this is going to be a hell of a conversation, whenever we have it.  
  
.  
  
"Okay, okay! Later today, all right? Oh, I've got an idea! You can sleep over, we'll talk all night, paint our nails, watch movies... it'll be a veritable slumber party, just like we were in high school again. It'll be great! Tomorrow's Sunday, so I'm free... you don't have anything to do, right?"  
  
"Nope! Nothing at all! That sounds great! It'll be sooooo much fun~!"  
  
"Right? Ooh, I can't wait..."  
  
"I'm so excited! Ne, should we let Kero come?"  
  
"...I don't know, do we have to? You think he'd get mad if we didn't invite him?"  
  
"You know... actually, I don't really care. Anyway, he'll probably be happy to have my whole house to himself..."  
  
"Well, this all sounds real... special, girls, but I think this is my cue to leave."  
  
"Mou, Shaoran-chan, you're no fun! If you wanna come too, just ask! ...Even though we'd just say no. *giggle*"  
  
"Haha. *Tomoyo-chan!* So mean!"  
  
"That's okay... I don't much feel like painting my nails, today. I just had them done, after all."  
  
"*giggle* Watch it, Shaoran-chan... or I'm really going to paint them one of these days! What color do you think would be good on him, Sakura-chan? Green?"  
  
"Definitely! He wears it a lot, so it would match his clothes... besides, he looks good in it."  
  
"Ugh. Bye, Tomoyo. I'll call you later, okay? Bye, Sakura."   
  
.  
  
This time, *he* kisses *me*... in public! Not a Shaoran thing to do. Surprising, but in a good sort of way.  
  
.  
  
"::Love you, Tomoyo. See you tomorrow, all right?::"  
  
"::Yeah. Tomorrow. Bye, Shao-chan. Love you.::"  
  
.  
  
Ngh. I don't wanna let go when he embraces me in those strong arms... Ack! No! He's letting go! Nooo, don't leave, Shaoran! You're warm! And cozy! And you smell really good!   
  
And you're perfect...  
  
Not that I'm biased or anything. Of course not.  
  
But it's okay that he's leaving, I really want to spend some time with Sakura-chan! She's right, it's been a while since we've had a 'girls - only' evening. And, after all, she *is* my best friend. I mean, it's not that I don't want to spend the evening with Shaoran. But, I do that every evening. Sakura could be right... I may be spending too much time with him...  
  
Nah.  
  
.  
  
"Sooo~! Tomoyo-chan! Shall we?"  
  
"Of course, Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Hey, you don't mind if we stop by my house first though, right? You know, so I can pick up some clothes and stuff."  
  
"Sure! But, you know, I can always lend you clothes. We're not that far from being the same size."  
  
"Yeah, as if, Tomoyo-chan. You think I could actually fit into one of your shirts? I swear, your chest is twice the size ofmine."  
  
"Haha, if you say so, Sakura-chan."  
  
.  
  
Well, I guess that's true, sort of. It's kind of an exaggeration. Sakura's pretty flat, but she's got an athletic build, so it looks good on her.   
  
Not that it stops her from teasing me.  
  
At Sakura's house, it only took us, oh, 45 minutes to pick what she's going to wear tomorrow. I guess that's mostly my fault though. Old habits die hard.  
  
I swear, her clothes are *way* too plain! I really ought to make her some new ones... or at least take her shopping. It's really too bad she doesn't fit into my clothes. I'd send her home with half my closet. I've got too many clothes, anyway.  
  
.  
  
"What would you like to do first, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Well, um... what time is it, 8:30? Want to have some ice-cream? We can go to the store, if you don't have any. And then we can watch a movie while we eat it!"  
  
"Sure! Sounds great! But... Sakura-chan, just *where* do you think you are? I have just about everything in this house... my mother won't let me live without at least two servants, you know that. Not to mention the whole body-guard thing."  
  
"Yeah... almost forgot about that."  
  
.  
  
Yeah, almost forgot about that... wish I could, too. I convinced my mother to allow me to live in a smaller house than she had originally wanted me to, so I could be near my friends... but, honestly, why couldn't I give up the body-guards? The servants are more than enough. And who would attack me with Shaoran around? Well, at least she lets me leave the house without them. Now, they're just waiting for me when I get home, and guarding the house at night. But it took me 7 or 8 nights of Shaoran walking me home after dates to convince them that, no, Shaoran was *not* attacking me, and yes, I *did* want them to leave me alone and stop watching me from the window when I was kissing my boyfriend goodnight. I understand that I'm worth a couple million dollars or whatever... but, really!  
  
.  
  
"Ne, Tomoyo-chan... that was a great movie!"  
  
"Yeah, that guy in the lead role was sooo cute!"  
  
"I know, right? What was his name again?"  
  
"Dunno... but, ya know, he's not as cute as Shaoran."  
  
"*groan* Whatever, Tomoyo-chan... to you, *no one's* as cute as Shaoran! ...Ne, since you already painted my nails pink, what color should I do yours in?"  
  
"I don't know... you pick!"  
  
"Um... okay... how about... blue? No... lavender! It'll match your hair!"  
  
"Haha, okay~! Sounds good to me!"  
  
.  
  
"So... Tomoyo-chan, while we're waiting for them to dry... it's time for girl talk!"  
  
"*giggle* Great! Haven't done that in a while..."  
  
"Yeah, it's been wayyy too long~!"  
  
"So what's first? Boys? Clothes?"  
  
"How 'bout the obvious?"  
  
"Um... and that would be...?"  
  
"*Shaoran!* He's your first boyfriend, after all!"  
  
.  
  
Uh-oh. I had been waiting for this to come... lots of questions and remarks from an overexcited best friend. 'What was it like when he told you he loved you?' 'What was it like when you first kissed?' 'He's so lucky to be going out with you!' 'He's sooo handsome!' 'You're so cute together!' and, the ever present 'Waiiii! Kawaiiiiii!' She's awfully predictable.   
  
Not that I don't love Sakura-chan to death. It's just that, well, this kind of stuff is a little too cheerful and all that. Sakura's the kind of person that loves going to bridal and baby showers. I'm the kind that makes sure to be out of town.   
  
.  
  
"Well... I know you're not the kind of person to ask a million questions, cause you hate stuff like that... so, I just have one."  
  
.  
  
Wow. Sakura's gotten awfully insightful lately. I wonder, is this due to a relaxation of my facade due to my dating Shaoran, or is it something else? She *did* say something about that on the phone a week or so ago... something about realizing she was a bad friend. Oh, Sakura-chan, you couldn't be a bad friend if you tried.  
  
.  
  
"*giggle* Guess you know me pretty well then, huh? So... what's your question?"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan... do you love Shaoran?"  
  
"Of course I do! You mean to tell me you haven't noticed that yet?"  
  
"No, that's not what I mean. Do you really, truly love him? As in, stay-together-forever, die-without-you love?"  
  
.  
  
Do I?   
  
Shaoran's everything I've ever wanted in a guy... kind, protective, caring, strong... not to mention handsome... I've known him for what seems like forever, and I've never found anything about him that's *not* to like... even his temper's cute.   
  
...I've been in love with him for years. When unrequited (or, in my lucky case, unrecognized) love remains strong for that long, it must be true love.  
  
.  
  
"...Yes. Yes, I think I do."  
  
"Really?! Waiii! Kawaiiii!!!"  
  
.  
  
Well... knew that had to be in there *somewhere*, didn't it.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
~~~~~orchids represent ecstasy  
  
i've decided i like tomoyo giggly, lol. shes happy shes got a boyfriend! and its easier to write her that way. hope no one minds. but, really... doesnt she seem like the kind of person that would giggle? and i dont know, when i think giggle, i think twinkly-happy-voice-ish thing.  
  
i was playing with nicknames for tomoyo to use for shaoran. i just went with 'shaoran-chan' for the chapter, but its kinda boring. hahaha i thought shao-chan sounded cute but it also sounded like something hed hate, so i didnt let tomoyo use it in front of sakura (for fear sakura would make fun of him, lol.) but he wouldnt get mad at tomoyo for using it when no one could hear but him, now *would* he?  
  
but, about nicknames... anyone have any suggestions?  
  
ah, another random point of interest (im just full of those today... but actually this ones a question) anyone remember how old they were at the end of the series? like 12 or something, right? 


	20. extra chapter: valentine's day special!

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
This chapter is relatively pointless, but Simplicity asked for Valentine's day fluff, so here it is!  
  
.  
  
~~~~~The Fluffy, Totally-out-of-context and Not-really-part of the story Valentine's Day Special!~~~~~  
  
(Note: This is just for fun, you can totally disregard this after reading it! ^_^ After all, it's not really part of the story, in case you didn't read the chapter title lol. The story picks up from where chapter 19 left off in the next chapter.)  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
.  
  
Agh, there's nothing to *do* here!   
  
I called Shaoran over like an hour ago cause I had been experimenting with a new cake recipe...   
  
*giggle* He gets to be my test subject! Lucky him!  
  
But, I don't know... maybe he's not the best person to ask. Everything's always 'perfect!' Apparently, I can do no wrong.  
  
Which is really very flattering... just not exactly helpful. I mean, what if it's terrible? If it is, and he admits it, at least I'll know not to make it again!  
  
*giggle* Oh, Shaoran... you're not going to hurt my feelings!  
  
But, really~!   
  
We've been just *sitting* here for like half an hour!  
  
.  
  
"Ne, Shao-chan..."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I'm bored~! Let's do something fun..."  
  
"...Such as...?"  
  
.  
  
Such as what?   
  
I don't know... hmmm...  
  
Wait, I'm sick of deciding all the time! I don't even know if Shaoran likes what we're doing, or if he's doing it just 'cause I want to! He's the guy, why doesn't he ever make any decisions?!   
  
That's it, I'm going to make *him* think of something!  
  
.  
  
"Up to you! I *always* pick!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Mou! Shao-chan, I'd be happy doing whatever *you* want to do!"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, I love when you pick what we do! It's kind of like going out with you twice over... going places you like to go reminds me of you."  
  
.  
  
Well... when he puts it that way...  
  
.  
  
"*giggle* Oh, Shaoran! You're so sweet! You really mean that?"  
  
"Hn. Course I do. Would I have said it if I didn't?"  
  
"Ahh! I love you so much, Shao-chan!" I throw my arms around his neck as I'm saying this, making him smirk. Aw, I love when he does that!   
  
But, then again, I love *everything* he does, don't I?  
  
"I lo..."  
  
.  
  
Haha, no way am I letting him finish talking... he's so sweet, I have to kiss him!  
  
Besides, kissing someone mid-sentence is the best! Shaoran looks *so* cute with that look of surprise on his face!  
  
Well... *any* kiss with Shaoran's the best.   
  
I don't think I'll ever get over how amazing it feels to kiss him. Not that I want to, of course.  
  
His kisses are so soft... he's so gentle.   
  
But there's always that edge... it's wonderful, it's... unmistakeably Shaoran.  
  
And the way he puts his arms around my waist, so protective...  
  
.  
  
He starts to explore my mouth, coaxing my tongue with his.  
  
I think my mind is going numb...  
  
.  
  
Forget going out.  
  
I'm definitely not bored anymore...  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
~~~~~(Same situation!)~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
.  
  
"Ne, Shao-chan..."  
  
.  
  
Ugh, that nickname... she's lucky I love her.   
  
No one else could call me that and live.  
  
.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I'm bored~! Let's do something fun..."  
  
"...Such as...?"  
  
"Up to you! I *always* pick!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Mou, Shao-chan! I'd be happy doing whatever *you* want to do!"  
  
.  
  
I know she's gonna get mad at me for not deciding again... But, even if she doesn't believe me, I really *do* love going wherever she wants to go, no matter where that is.   
  
Hm... how should I put this?  
  
.  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, I love when you pick what we do! It's kind of like going out with you twice over... going places you like to go reminds me of you."  
  
"*giggle* Oh, Shaoran! You're so sweet! You really mean that?"  
  
"Hn. Course I do. Would I have said it if I didn't?"  
  
"Ahh! I love you so much, Shao-chan!"  
  
.  
  
She throws her arms around my neck, and I can't help but smirk.   
  
Guess that was the right thing to say, huh?  
  
Not that I didn't mean it.   
  
I just like the reaction it got.  
  
.  
  
"I lo..."  
  
.  
  
She cuts me off with a kiss! I didn't expect that.  
  
I mean, Tomoyo's lots of fun, and I guess she's pretty spontaneous and all... but I'm not used to *anything* surprising me. I can usually sense things... right?   
  
Somehow I can't seem to predict anything Tomoyo's going to do.  
  
One of the many reasons I love her so much.  
  
.  
  
I love kissing Tomoyo. She said once that she must be horrible, that I was her first kiss and she's got no idea what she's doing... but it doesn't matter to me. I love Tomoyo.   
  
And she kisses damn well for a beginner.  
  
.  
  
Wonder if she still wants to go out?  
  
Cause I really feel like staying in...  
  
.  
  
~um yeah. i dont know how much i like this chapter, sorry if it sucked. i wrote it pretty fast so i could get it up in time for valentines day, and pure fluff really isnt one of my strong points. (its kinda hard to write about relationships when you havent had one. lol. *sigh* pathetic, isnt it?) and i hope the two-points-of-view-of-the-same-thing wasnt too annoying... so i hope you liked it, but if you didnt, sorry T_T i tried!  
  
but i promise itll all get better when i go back to the plot! i can incorporate fluff into plots much better than i can write it on its own. so please dont ditch my story just cause this chapter was kinda strange! 


	21. Geraniums

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
Lots of thanks to everyone who reviewed~!!!  
  
Simplicity~ glad you liked my attempt at v-day fluff ^_^ sorry 19 + 20 werent very fluffy... the next one will be though!  
  
Serenity Blossom~ yay! you like giggly Tomoyo too? and im so happy you liked my v-day chapter~! (never thought my writing could be the cause of 'dreamy eyes'...)  
  
bratz-fan-girl~ thanks for being so patient ^_^   
  
Ellie~ thanks for the nicknames! Hawaii... hmm... I'll see... and sorry there wasnt any fluff in this chapter . hope the next chapter will make up for it!  
  
AnimeGal~ haha you liked the fluff too!!!! thank you~  
  
.  
  
(and now back to Tomoyo and Sakura's sleepover...)  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 20: Geraniums~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
.  
  
"So, Sakura-chan, you asked me your question already... my turn!"  
  
"All right~! What is it?"  
  
"Well, it's not really a question, but... ne, you haven't had a boyfriend since Shaoran, right? Aren't you lonely?"  
  
"No! Not at all! I'm always hanging out with you guys, it's so much fun! And, I was a little worried, but nothing's changed at all, you know, since you started going out with him."  
  
.  
  
That's really great... I'm relieved. I remember feeling like a third wheel when I thought the two of them were going out. But, then again, I was in love with Shaoran at the time. So I guess that's kinda different.  
  
.  
  
"Glad to hear it, and, don't get me wrong, I don't mean it in a bad way, but, Sakura-chan, we're getting older... aren't you a little worried you won't find someone? Although, considering it's *you*, I don't see why you *wouldn't* have tons of guys lined up at your doorstep~! *giggle*"  
  
.  
  
I really hope she doesn't take that the wrong way. I'm just curious... I mean, we *are* pushing, what, 28? Damn, I feel old. 27's definitely a little late to be getting your first boyfriend... but, whatever, at least I have one I love with my whole heart. That's all that counts, right?   
  
I just wish Sakura-chan had the same thing...  
  
.  
  
"Haha, I hope you're right, Tomoyo-chan... and, yeah, I've thought about that before, but, you know what? I don't want to go out with someone just so I can have someone... I want to find *the one*, you know what I mean? And I think I may know who he is... although I don't know how likely it is that I'll get him."  
  
"Aah, you know who he is?! So cute! Tell me! And don't be so pessimistic, of course you'll get him! I bet you could get any guy you wanted!"  
  
"Ah, yeah... I haven't really talked to him in a while though... so, I want to make sure I've got a chance before telling anyone. But, don't worry, Tomoyo-chan! Even if I don't, I'll tell you anyway!"  
  
.  
  
Wow! She's got someone in mind? Ooh, I really want to know who it is... she's probably not telling me because she's afraid I'll try to help her. Well, if she doesn't get him... which is highly unlikely, in my opinion... I *am* going to help, whether she likes it or not! Well... if she really doesn't want me to... I don't know, maybe I won't. Or maybe I'll just be subtle enough that she won't know.  
  
Haha, that's not very nice of me, but it's fun to be evil sometimes. Especially when 'being evil' helps your best friend, and when aforementioned friend helped you get the man of *your* dreams.  
  
.  
  
"Mou, Sakura-chan! Making me wait to find out! So mean!"  
  
"*giggle* You'll get over it, Tomoyo-chan."  
  
"And what if I don't?"  
  
"Well, then... I just won't tell you at all."  
  
"Nooo! I'll be good, I'll be good! Promise to tell me though?"  
  
"Of course! You're my best friend! I tell you everything, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember. I'm just not liking this whole delay thing, here."  
  
"*giggle* Well that's just too bad, isn't it?"  
  
"'Kay... Am I allowed to guess?"  
  
"Guess all you want! But I'm not going to tell you if you're right or wrong..."  
  
"Aahh! So frustrating... can I ask at least one question?"  
  
"Go ahead... but I might not answer it~! *giggle*"  
  
"Mou~! Fine then! ...Hmm, let's see..."  
  
"You mean you don't even *have* a question yet?"  
  
"Nope! Just wanted to make sure I got to ask one before I started thinking."  
  
"Haha, you're a strange girl, Tomoyo-chan..."  
  
"I know! Isn't it great?"  
  
"*giggle* Sure is!"  
  
.  
  
So, what am I going to ask her?  
  
'What does he look like?'... no, she won't answer that.  
  
'What's his first name?' ...definitely not.  
  
'How old is he?' ...that won't help me much, will it?  
  
'Do I know him?' ... Leaves it a little broad, but, well, at least there's a chance she'll answer, right? And, I only know so many single guys, right? But, then again, there was that whole 'have to make sure I can get him' thing. Maybe that's because she doesn't know if he's available? Well, whatever. It's probably my best shot, anyway.  
  
.  
  
"Do I know him?"  
  
"...Yes. You do."  
  
"Really?! Ah, so exciting! Is he one of our friends? How long have I known him? How long have *you* known him?"  
  
"Ne, Tomoyo-chan... I said *one* question."  
  
"Agh... fine. But you'd better tell me soon."  
  
"I will, I will. Promise. Just not yet. Gods! Patience is a virtue, Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"Yeah, but... I hate waiting! It's sooo boring~!"  
  
.  
  
Ah, this is so exciting! Maybe there's a chance my little dream will come true, after all... Married to Shaoran with Sakura and her dream guy across the street!  
  
I can't wait to find out who he is...  
  
.  
  
~~~~~geraniums can be a symbol of friendship.  
  
sakura's love life has been mentioned... and so it begins.   
  
haha dont get me wrong though this is still mainly shaoran x tomoyo, theres just gonna be a little for sakura so she gets to be happy too. and ive got it pretty well planned out whats going to happen to entertwine the two plots (i spent philosophy class thinking about this... so sad, lol) but! that will most likely happen in the sequel, which is coming up soon. (because this ones getting too long... and anyway its getting harder to come up with flower names!) but dont worry, the sequels just going to pick up where this one leaves off... and i'll put it up/ update like i normally do, so the only difference is gonna be its a different title/link. (or something like that. hopefully you know what i mean~ lol.) i honestly had no idea this fic would get so long! originally i had only intended for it to be like 10 chapters or so...  
  
also, sorry there wasnt much shaoran x tomoyo in this chapter... this is the end of their little slumber party thing tho, so dont worry. (and, also, sorry that this chapter was a little short...) 


	22. Flowering Ferns

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
I decided that the other chapter wasn't long enough or fluffy enough to count as an update by itself... so heres another chapter to go along with it!  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 21: Flowering Ferns~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
.  
  
Damn, she's beautiful.  
  
Honestly, there's this ethereal quality to her, especially when she's sleeping like this... Seeing her like this scares me sometimes; I fear I'll wake up from this dream, and she'll be gone. It's hard enough to believe that perfection incarnate exists, so, to have her love me in return...? Can you really blame me for doubting the reality of the situation sometimes?  
  
You know, when she started falling asleep during this movie, I thought, 'Damn, maybe we should have rented something more interesting...' But now, I'm glad we didn't.  
  
We're at my house; Tomoyo insists it's 'cozier' than her house. Ch, whatever. As long as I get to spend time with her, right?  
  
Actually, it probably *is* better here. I swear, those body-guards of hers hate me! They glare at me whenever I go to pick her up, or when Tomoyo invites me over, or whatever.   
  
But, speaking of the body-guards... Has Tomoyo *ever* gotten to live by herself? Gods, I'd die if I had people watching me like that 24 / 7. But, then again, I'm not Tomoyo, am I.  
  
And thank God for that... because, if I *was* Tomoyo, I wouldn't be able to be holding her like this, watching her sleep.  
  
*My* Tomoyo. My girlfriend. My love.  
  
My angel.  
  
Damn, she's beautiful.  
  
Although this does present a slight problem. What am I supposed to do? It's three in the morning... I think the body-guards would kill me if I tried to carry her sleeping body home at this hour. They'd think I murdered her or something. I still don't think they believe I'm her boyfriend. It took them a week or so to realize I'm not out to kill her.  
  
Tch, if only they had known how far they were from the truth.  
  
But, if I can't bring her home, what should I do? Let her stay here? I mean, I don't have a problem with that... none at all, actually. But... that'll just look wrong to everyone else. If anyone sees her leaving my house tomorrow morning in the clothes she was wearing today, they may well get the wrong idea. And, despite the fact that they'd be wrong, wouldn't it tarnish my angel's reputation? I can't let anyone think the wrong thing about her...  
  
Tomoyo's just not that kind of girl.  
  
Well... now that I think about it, letting her stay here's really my only choice... I'll just have to beat the shit out of anyone that questions her. End of story.  
  
So what do I for now? I can't exactly leave her like this, cuddled against me on the couch, as much as I'd like to. That's not exactly the most comfortable way to sleep... love to see how she'd wake up from that.   
  
So uh... Hmm. Well, I guess the only thing to do would be to put her in my room, then, wouldn't it? Great, I get to sleep on my own couch. She's lucky I love her as much as I do.  
  
Well, actually... it's probably the other way around. I'm lucky she loves me as much as she does.  
  
I'm so lucky to have Tomoyo.  
  
Picking her up, she weighs next to nothing... damn, doesn't this girl *eat*? Note to self: cook for Tomoyo sometime... sometime *soon*. Knowing her, she probably forgets to eat at work when she's busy. Which is just about all the time.  
  
I mean, I never thought of her as being too skinny, or anything for that matter, just as Tomoyo. But, then again, I never realized she was this light.  
  
It's kind of a strange feeling, cradling your sleeping girlfriend in your arms. I was half afraid she'd wake when I stood up, but she's still asleep... was the movie really *that* bad?   
  
Well, she also works too hard... and I guess it's kind of late, too.  
  
As I put her down on my bed, though, I'm amazed... she looks so peaceful, hair spread around her face, long lashes fluttering slightly... she's just so... she's breathtaking.   
  
There's a first, my aesthetic sense completely overshadowed my hormones on that one.   
  
I mean, it's not like I'd ever do anything to her without her consent... but my hormones would definitely entertain the possibility, as they always do, only to be beaten down by reason. They may lose every battle, but they sure put up a damn good fight.  
  
I guess love just does strange things to people.  
  
All right, I'd better grab a pillow and go, or else I'm going to wind up in here, staring at her all night... not that I'm against the idea, mind you, but I think it'd be more than a little disconcerting for Tomoyo to wake up and find me staring at her.   
  
.  
  
"::Oyasumi, Tomoyo-chan.::"  
  
.  
  
... at least this couch is comfortable. As far as couches go, I mean. Sure, I'm going to wake up with a stiff neck, but, hey, Tomoyo's worth it. Haha, interesting way to rationalize things. I mean, I could always sleep on the floor or something.   
  
But I'd do anything for Tomoyo. She's definitely worth it.  
  
More than worth it.  
  
.  
  
~~~~~flowering ferns mean reverie. im not exactly sure *why* anyone would need a flower to symbolize that, but, whatever, glad it does~!  
  
yay~ short, pointless, waffy chapter! but have no fear! there *will* be plot! 


	23. Poppy

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
unexpectedly strange chapter... just warning you. ^_^  
  
.  
  
thank you lots and lots to my reviewers~  
  
Simplicity~ of course! who else? although I'm not crazy about the idea of pairing them up by default... they *are* cute together, and the fact remains that there really isn't anyone else, anyway. glad you liked the waffy chapter ^_^  
  
Dark_Syaoran~ so happy you liked it. ^_^  
  
Ellie~ I think I emailed you about it, but, for anyone that doesn't know, oyasumi means good night. ^_^ sorry bout that. i get a little forgetful when im writing late at night. sorry theres no japanese in this chapter though... *sniff* couldnt find a place to put it without it seeming out of place. . so sad i know.  
  
Serenity Blossom~ yes i know! sooo many reviews~! *bows graciously to all my lovely reviewers* and especially thanks to you! youve been my most faithful reader ^_^ reading since i started putting it up! yayyy ^_^ thanks so much!  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 22: Poppy~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
.  
  
I... where am I? What's going on...  
  
It's so loud...  
  
What made everyone so angry? Why are they yelling?  
  
.  
  
They're... they're yelling at... at me?  
  
.  
  
"Stupid bitch... how could you even *think* such a thing?! No way in hell are you ever going to marry my son!"  
  
"Ch! Like I would want to marry *that*?"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan! What were you *thinking*!?"  
  
"No... I, I..."  
  
"You *what*? How could you want such a thing?! I thought we were *friends* Tomoyo! I thought you cared about my happiness, too! I thought I mattered!"  
  
"I-I didn't say anyt..."  
  
"But, that's just it. You *did*! You told me you wished Shaoran would marry you, knowing full well *I'm* marrying him! ...But, anyway, why *would* he? He doesn't love you! He never will!"  
  
"Hn. Why the hell would I love her? I love you, Sakura. Only you."  
  
"B-but... Sakura-chan... you told me..."  
  
"Yeah, I told you I didn't love Shaoran. Hah, it's true, I don't! Even he knows it. I'm only marrying him because of his family. I've got the cards... that little fact makes them ver~y accomodating. If I married him, I'd never have to do anything again! No cleaning, no cooking... I wouldn't even have to work!"  
  
"Yes... you know how much we love you, Sakura-san. And *you*! Just what were you thinking, anyway?! Even if my son loved a slut like you, there's no way in hell I'd allow someone like you into the family! Tch, you don't even have any magic, let alone the cards!"  
  
"But... I... Shaoran... you..."  
  
"I what? I don't love you. I never have. Sure, I may have entertained the possibility at one point... maybe even led you on a bit. But, why bother loving someone as inadequate as you? Just the fact that I said something doesn't mean I meant it. You're an easy one to con, you know that? Do you even realize the problems you'd cause for me if we were in a relationship? How could you want such a thing? And, besides, you *know* I'm marrying Sakura. You've known it for years. And I *love* Sakura. She may not love me... that's why I led you on. Yeah, I'll admit you're beautiful. I had my fun. But there's no way in hell I'd *marry* you. And Sakura's your *best friend*! What kind of a bitch would want to steal her best friend's fiancee?! Ch, you make me sick. I never want to see your face again."  
  
"O -okay... I...I'm sorry..."  
  
"Damn right you are!"  
  
.  
  
W-why...?  
  
What's happened to everyone?  
  
Do they... do they really feel this way about me?  
  
Does Shaoran...?  
  
.  
  
I can't take it.  
  
I... I can't listen to anymore of this.  
  
I have to get out of here.   
  
It's so bright...  
  
I can't even tell where the walls are... everything's so seamless, so white.   
  
It's *too bright*!  
  
Why isn't there a door?   
  
I have to get out of here!  
  
Let me out!   
  
Please! Someone!   
  
Anyone!  
  
.  
  
"/::Tomoyo...Tomoyo. Look in your hand. Your hand, Tomoyo...::/"  
  
.  
  
That voice, it sounds vaguely... familiar. Who... who is it? And where is it coming from?  
  
Why is it talking to me, telling me to look... in my hand?  
  
Gleaming metal...  
  
A razor.  
  
.  
  
"/::It's the only way out, Tomoyo. It'll all go away, Tomoyo. Don't be afraid. It doesn't hurt as much as everything else does. It won't hurt as much as it hurts to breathe.::/"  
  
.  
  
It'll all... go away?   
  
Everything? Everyone?   
  
...Shaoran?  
  
.  
  
~"I love you, Sakura. Only you."~  
  
.  
  
It hurt so much to hear him say that...   
  
Like my heart being ripped out, both physically and psychologically.  
  
Like my world shattering around me, and the pieces tearing through my skin.  
  
Only six words, but they make the wounds burn.   
  
The pain is almost more than I can bear...  
  
Even if he doesn't love me, even if he hates me... I still love him.  
  
Does he want me here? Does he care if I die?  
  
Does he want me dead?  
  
He said he never wanted to see me again...  
  
Okay then...   
  
Shaoran, you'll get your wish. You'll never see me again. I'll gladly die.   
  
I'll die for you.  
  
.  
  
"/::Go along the vein. Deep... that way you won't make a mistake.::/"  
  
.  
  
I- I'm a little afraid.  
  
I don't want to die.  
  
But, I...  
  
I can't live like this, either.  
  
.  
  
The first drop of blood hits the floor, and the walls turn to red.  
  
.  
  
The blood is coming fast now, glistening as it pours out of my arm. I had thought I would be afraid... but I'm not. It doesn't hurt. You know, I never realized what a beautiful color blood is. And so warm...  
  
I feel myself going lightheaded. There's no doubt about it... I'm dying.  
  
.  
  
And I feel... relieved.  
  
.  
  
"/::See, Tomoyo? It'll all be better soon. It's almost time.::/"  
  
.  
  
Time? Time for what?  
  
.  
  
"/::Your suicide was a rash act, performed in a fit of despondency. Because of this, you will remain, caught between life and death... An ectoplasmic manifestation of the soul.::/"  
  
.  
  
Ectoplasmic...  
  
A ghost?  
  
That's...  
  
.  
  
Shaoran, now...  
  
Even if you don't love me...  
  
Even if I can't have you, touch you, kiss you...  
  
I will always watch over you.  
  
.  
  
"Gomen, Tomoyo... I got caught up at work, didn't mean to be late..."  
  
.  
  
Shaoran?  
  
But... why isn't he acting the way he did before? Why doesn't he sound angry?  
  
.  
  
"::Sha...o...ran...::"  
  
"Tomoyo? Where are you? Why do you sound... *God!* Tomoyo! What... what happened?! Wait, don't move, don't speak, let me call for help..."  
  
"::Why...::"  
  
"Why? Why what? Wait, don't answer that. Gods, Tomoyo, please don't speak now... please... I need you, I can't lose you... I love you, I love you so much, Tomoyo..."  
  
.  
  
He's crying now, big, salty tears rolling down his cheeks. I-I thought he said he didn't love me? That he couldn't stand me?  
  
I... I don't understand.  
  
.  
  
"/::Now you're unsure? You slit your wrists believing he hated you... that he wanted you to die. He said so himself, did he not? What is there not to understand, Tomoyo? Which do you believe? The Shaoran of now? Or the one of before?::/"  
  
.  
  
"::Shao...ran... It's too... late... I'm...dy...ing...::"  
  
"Please, Tomoyo, please, please... don't leave me, don't leave me... I love you... only you... I'll die without you..."  
  
.  
  
Only me?  
  
Wasn't he telling me he loved Sakura just minutes ago? That I was nothing to him?  
  
Was it...?  
  
I...  
  
.  
  
"/::Yes, Tomoyo. It was a test. You've failed. And now it's too late. Tomoyo... to doubt love is to make a grave mistake. In circumstances such as this, the damage is irreparable, in more ways than one. ...Look at him. Look at what you've done to him, Tomoyo...::/"  
  
.  
  
*I* did this?   
  
How could I do this to Shaoran?  
  
How could I hurt him this much?  
  
He's everything to me...  
  
I destroyed myself for him! So he could be happy!  
  
How could that destroy him, too?  
  
.  
  
"/::You mean you haven't realized it yet? That wasn't him, Tomoyo... that was a materialization of your uncertainties...::/"  
  
.  
  
...My...   
  
My uncertainties?  
  
.  
  
"::...Shaoran... I... I love... you... and...::"  
  
"Tomoyo... please... no..."  
  
"::...and...I'm...sor...ry...::"  
  
.  
  
I feel my spirit leaving my body, now...  
  
.  
  
I know that I made it with a different context in mind, but...  
  
I will keep my promise.  
  
I will always watch over you, Shaoran...  
  
.  
  
~~~~~poppies mean both death and sleep.   
  
aaah dont hate me for this chapter just yet! yes, i know, you may be going 'what the hell was that?' (or maybe you got it, i dont know... i mean, its obvious to me, but, i would hope so... i wrote it.) but if you didnt get it, (which i kinda hope is the case~ makes it more suspenseful~! not that im trying to be mean or anything) the explanations in the next chapter~ so, please, keep reading~! (dont give up on me yet!) 


	24. Rosemary

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
Lots of thanks to all my reviewers (oh my gosh i have so many reviews now... ^_^ im soooooo happy! you guys are the best)  
  
Simplicity~ haha wow you reviewed like 2 hours after i put up the chapter... i'm impressed! thanks~! i promised in the first chapter that i wouldnt kill Tomoyo off (at least i think i did...) so dont worry~ and that whole eriol thing is a really good idea. wasnt my plan... but it sounds really cool ^_^ i mean theres a little bit of similarity between your idea and mine... but *shh!* thats a secret for now ^_^   
  
Ellie~ haha i know the chapter was confusing... like it says in my profile, if i had to summarize myself in a sentence it would be 'subject to violent mood swings'. see what happens when im not excessively cheerful?! lol seriously, though, its part of the plot (sort of.) it should all make sense with this chapter ^_^  
  
Dark_Syaoran~ glad you think confusion is good ^_^ i was hoping you guys would be confused. suspense is great!  
  
Kichi-chan~ yay, a new reviewer!!!! ^_^ thanks so much for reading... glad you were touched by it so far. hopefully it will make sense soon...   
  
Serenity Blossom~ you love surprises in stories? thats so cool! i do too... hence why i was (at least attempting to) put one in this story. glad you liked the chapter~!  
  
Lil-ChiBi-person~ and another new reviewer ^_^ yay!!!!! thanks for reading, so happy you like it so far! and thank you soooo much for putting me on your favorites ^_^ thats so nice of you~!!! (excited)  
  
AnimeGal~ glad you liked it, and im really happy to hear you say you thought i did it well! ^_^ thanks so much! dont worry im not *that* mean, id never end it like that... i couldnt do that to you guys... besides, im a sucker for happy endings~! (and, honestly, theres probably a long way to go before it ends...)  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 23: Rosemary~~~~~  
  
.  
  
~~I will keep my promise.  
  
I will always watch over you, Shaoran...~~  
  
.  
  
*gasp* "Ah... I..."  
  
.  
  
Where am I?  
  
It's soft... dark. I'm... awake? Alive?  
  
A dream.  
  
Where... where am I?   
  
Forget that. More importantly...  
  
Where's Shaoran?  
  
This isn't my room...   
  
Is this another dream?  
  
Please, stop already!  
  
That one was bad enough... I can't take another.  
  
Shaoran...  
  
.  
  
If I'm here... even if it's a dream, may as well look around...   
  
Can't be worse than the last one, can it?  
  
.  
  
I'm on... a bed? Wait...   
  
I know where I am.  
  
I know this room...  
  
Shaoran's bedroom.  
  
Shaoran's *bedroom*?!  
  
.  
  
"::S-shaoran?::"  
  
.  
  
No answer.  
  
.  
  
"Shaoran?"  
  
.  
  
Still no answer... guess he isn't here?   
  
Wait... why don't I just turn on the light?  
  
.  
  
No, he's not here.   
  
My clothes...  
  
I was wearing this yesterday.  
  
I *am* awake.  
  
...But why am I in Shaoran's room? And where is he?  
  
What time is it, anyway? Past 6?   
  
How long have I been here?  
  
Why did I fall asleep?  
  
Maybe I ought to go home...  
  
Although I think I ought to wait a minute. My head still feels foggy... I don't think I can stand, yet.  
  
That dream... How could I... why did...   
  
What does it mean?  
  
.  
  
A knock.  
  
.  
  
"Tomoyo?"  
  
.  
  
Shaoran...  
  
.  
  
"Y-yes?"  
  
"You're awake? May I come in?"  
  
"Oh! Of course..."  
  
.  
  
He looks... worried. Like he hasn't gotten much sleep.  
  
Sleep... where was he sleeping? In here? With me?  
  
Oh, my... I...   
  
Wait, no... the other side of the bed is still made.  
  
But... what?  
  
.  
  
"Tomoyo... are you okay? I heard you through the door, you seemed to be having a nightmare... and then... I thought you called my name..."  
  
"Shaoran... Oh, Shaoran!"  
  
.  
  
I can't help it, I'm crying into his chest as he wraps his arms around me, wet tears running down my face, drenching his shirt.  
  
.  
  
"Shaoran... I... I..."  
  
"What is it? A dream? ...A nightmare upset you this much?"  
  
"Y-yes... I... Shaoran... do you love me?"  
  
"Of course I do, Tomoyo-chan... you know that."  
  
"I mean, love me enough that you wouldn't ever leave me and never speak to me again, not for anything?"  
  
"I wouldn't... couldn't ever do such a thing to you, Tomoyo..."  
  
"A-All right... thank you... I love you... I love you so much, Shaoran."  
  
.  
  
It may not exactly be the right time for it, but I need him. I don't mean to... but I almost attack him, kissing him hard... he seemed surprised, at first, but now he's beginning to soften it, to comfort me even in our kiss... Oh, Shaoran, if you only knew how much you meant to me... would you still be kissing me like this? Would you still be this gentle, slowly exploring my mouth with your tongue? Would you still lead me on like this?  
  
Please. I love you. I need you.   
  
Take me. Take anything you want from me. ...Take my life, it's yours.  
  
.  
  
"I love you too, it's all right. You know, if you want to talk about anything, you can always tell me. All right?"  
  
"Yes... thank you... Oh, I love you, Shaoran..."  
  
.  
  
I can't exactly tell him about the dream... for so many reasons. First of all, he'll realize how dependent I've become on him. Not that it isn't true... But, still, it's not really something he needs to know, considering the fact that it would influence his decisions. We were friends before this relationship... and, should it end, I'd like to think we'd remain friends after it. Second, he would think I wanted him to choose between me and his family... and pick me. Shaoran's family's really important to him... and I'm just his girlfriend. I don't even really know if he loves me the way I love him, if he needs me the way I need him. But, worst of all, he might think I would get suicidal if he *didn't* want to stay with me, or if he chose his family over me... I can't put pressure on him like that. That wouldn't be fair, or right. If he wants to leave me behind, well... that's his choice to make, and I really shouldn't try to influence it with suicide threats. I don't want that. I want him to be happy.   
  
The fact that I *would* die without him is utterly and entirely besides the point.  
  
.  
  
But it's all right now. Shaoran's here. Shaoran loves me, he just told me so. I can't doubt him. I won't.   
  
Even if I was dreaming the first time, I refuse to make the same mistake twice.  
  
Shaoran loves me.  
  
No matter what happens, I can handle the future.  
  
.  
  
"Are... are you all right now, Tomoyo?"  
  
"Yeah... sorry to worry you, and to wake you up, Shaoran..."  
  
"No problem! I wasn't really sleeping, anyway."  
  
"Yeah, I noticed. *giggle* Half of the bed's still made!"  
  
"The... the bed?" Shaoran's eyes got wide. Um... yeah, where else would he sleep? There's only one bedroom in his house, and it's not like we're not both *fully dressed* in *street clothes*...  
  
"Um... is there something I'm missing here?"  
  
"N-no... I just, I mean... I thought... you..." He's stuttering! Did I say something wrong?  
  
"Coherent sentences, Shaoran. *giggle* You can do it!"  
  
"I, well, I thought you'd freak if you woke up and found me in the same bed as you... I was sleeping on the couch."  
  
"The *couch*?"  
  
.  
  
Oh, my... Shaoran, could he possibly be any sweeter? Sleeping on a couch in his own house so as not to upset me? ...When he's got a bed easily big enough for two people? He was that worried about what my reaction would be! I can't believe it... He would rather suffer than merely explain in the morning? Sure, I would have been a little worried... but it's not like I wouldn't believe him...  
  
Oh, Shaoran...  
  
Is it any wonder I love him?  
  
.  
  
"Oh, Shaoran. Honestly, you didn't have to do that... what time did you get to sleep, anyway? And, why am I here?"  
  
"Well, uh, you fell asleep when we were watching that movie... and it's what, 6:30? I guess that means I got like 3 hours of sleep..."  
  
"*Three*!? That's it... come over here."  
  
"Um?"  
  
"We're going back to sleep."  
  
.  
  
Pulling him down next to me, I try to make myself comfortable, cuddling into his side... you know, I always wanted to sleep with Shaoran. Like this, I mean. Entirely innocent, but incredibly romantic.   
  
He makes me feel safe.  
  
He seems a little hesitant as he puts his arms around me, but, whatever. Is he afraid of me or something? Or is he just worried he'll break me?   
  
Shaoran, there's such a thing as caring too much.   
  
I love you. I need you.   
  
.  
  
You chase away the nightmares.  
  
.  
  
~~~~~rosemary says 'your presence revives me' (I know Ophelia says its for remembrance ^_^ but, like i said in the beginning, theyve got lots of meanings...)  
  
oh, and by the way, i have no idea as to the meanings of dreams, so the fact that she died isnt supposed to be symbolic or anything ^_^ 


	25. Honeysuckle

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
Oh, my... 91 reviews!!!!!!!! i'm like dying of happiness here... never thought i'd get that many on a story with an obscure pairing like this... and no flames! none at all! you guys are the nicest reviewers EVER~! (thanks sooo much for reading... and for reviewing~!)  
  
Simplicity~ ^_^ glad you liked the chapter... and, as always, thanks so much for reviewing so fast! (honestly, i guess we've got good timing or whatever but you always review like 2 hours after i put up a new chapter! ^_^ it makes me smile its always like 'youve got mail' and its like i bet it's simplicity's review... something i look forward to ^_^)  
  
D a r k n e s s in H e a r t~ haha didn't mean to overwhelm you... yes 24 chapters! quite proud of myself... you havent been away that long! i just have no life ^_^ i agree that its great to just have to click the right arrow instead of waiting for a new chapter... but its really nice of you to review almost every chapter anyway! thanks so much! and im so happy to hear you say my story inspired you!!!!!!!! ^_^  
  
Dark_Syaoran~ happy to hear its no longer confusing ^_^ ive read part of your fic, its great! i reviewed but i dont know if it went through, stupid thing said it was 'experiencing traffic' and to 'go back in a few minutes'... if it didnt go through ill try to review again later ^_^   
  
Serenity Blossom~ so glad you liked it~! but please dont eat Shaoran, i kinda need him for the plot... ^_^  
  
Kichi-chan~ ^_^ well, we can always hope so... jk there *will* be a plot! (at least i think it's a plot...) so dont worry~! i just kind of need to add a few chapters in before i start what im planning to do next... cause it would be weird if it just jumped right to it ^_^  
  
AnimeGal~ thanks ^_^  
  
Ellie~ glad you liked the last chapter! ^_^ and of course Shaoran's always there for her! he's just nice like that~ (hn i need a boyfriend like Shaoran...)  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 24: Honeysuckle~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
.  
  
Warm.  
  
Soft.  
  
I feel better than usual this morning, don't want to wake up...   
  
Wait, do I have anything to do?  
  
Hmm... Not really...  
  
...Think I'll stay in bed a while.  
  
.  
  
Hn.  
  
You know, it's really too bad I'm one of those people that can never fall back asleep once they wake up...  
  
'Cause I'm really comfortable.  
  
Ah, well. Guess I'd better get up.   
  
Wonder what time it is? Probably around 8, maybe 9.   
  
That's about the latest I ever sleep, anyway.  
  
It feels... later, though... Today seems different than other days...  
  
Am I forgetting something?  
  
.  
  
Even before I open my eyes, though, I feel the warmth in my arms sigh and burrow deeper into my chest.  
  
Hm, maybe I'm still dreaming? Man, that'd be nice... waking up with Tomoyo... after a nice night of... gah, get your mind out of the gutter, Shaoran! You know you'd never take advantage of Tomoyo like that.   
  
Damn, I'm not a teenager any more... gotta stop with the hormone-driven dreams. Open your eyes, already!  
  
.  
  
*Tomoyo*?!  
  
She really *is* here?  
  
.  
  
Oh, yeah... the movie. Now I remember...   
  
Might as well stay here... I'd wake her up if I moved.  
  
Not that I'm complaining... when you're holding an angel, you should never let go.  
  
She just might fly away.  
  
.  
  
That reminds me... her dream.  
  
She seemed afraid I would leave her...  
  
Why would she ask something like that? What would make her think I could ever do such a thing?  
  
Leaving Tomoyo is the farthest thing from my mind.  
  
.  
  
"Hm... Shao...ran..."  
  
.  
  
She's wrapped her arms around me, pulling me even closer to her than before...   
  
Tomoyo, do you realize how much I love you?  
  
As I watch her sleep, I run my fingers through her hair...  
  
So soft.  
  
Everything about Tomoyo is soft. And gentle. And beautiful.  
  
And perfect.  
  
.  
  
Whatever that dream was about, I hope she's forgotten it.  
  
It hurts to see her so sad, so afraid.  
  
I've heard that melancholy is a form of beauty...  
  
But I hate to see an angel cry.  
  
.  
  
Seeing Tomoyo upset like that has made me realize something, though. I'd do anything to see that beautiful smile light up her gorgeous face. *Anything*.  
  
I want to stay with her, to protect her forever.  
  
.  
  
While it's true we've only been dating a short while, I've known her forever.  
  
And...  
  
It feels like fate.  
  
I love her more than I could ever hope to love anyone else.  
  
I love her, and, I...  
  
I want to marry her.  
  
Screw the family. I love Tomoyo, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.  
  
I've never been so sure of anything in my life.  
  
.  
  
...Although I'd really rather *not* get myself disowned in the process, if it can be helped...  
  
I guess I'd better go to Hong Kong for a while.  
  
But first I ought to think of something to say to Mother...  
  
.  
  
~~~~~honeysuckle represents devoted love.  
  
majorly short, not-so-great chapter... got something that strongly resembles writers block... sorry bout that. ^_^ 


	26. Azalea Afternoons

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
.  
  
.  
  
~~~~~Chapter 25: Azalea Afternoons~~~~~  
  
Tomoyo's POV  
  
.  
  
"Mm... Shaoran..."  
  
.  
  
~"Shaoran... I love you..."~  
  
.  
  
I'm having a lovely dream...   
  
Shaoran and I, in a field full of flowers, on a picnic... me leaning against him, head on his shoulder... that is, until he draws me into his arms to kiss me.  
  
...So it's cliche. But cliches wouldn't be cliches if they didn't happen, would they?  
  
.  
  
Even within the dream, I know that I'm dreaming. But that's all right.  
  
I'm with Shaoran, and I love him.   
  
It's a good dream. He loves me.  
  
It almost makes up for the horror of the dream before.   
  
Almost.  
  
.  
  
"Uh... yeah?"  
  
"H-huh? Shaoran?!"  
  
.  
  
Oh, yeah... almost forgot about that. Not that I'd ever want to.   
  
I'm sleeping in Shaoran's arms...  
  
Forget the dreams about him... this is much better... it's the real thing.  
  
.  
  
"Glad to see you finally decided to wake up, sleeping beauty. I was wondering whether or not I'd have to wake you up with a kiss. Not that I'd mind, that is. In fact..."  
  
.  
  
A soft kiss brings me to my senses... yes, I *am* awake... this is so much better than any dream could ever be. ...I'm absolutely loving this. What I wouldn't give to wake up to this *every* morning...  
  
.  
  
"Good morning, Shao-chan..."  
  
"Good morning, angel."  
  
"Finally decided to wake up, though... just what time is it, anyway?"  
  
"Half past one."  
  
"W-what?! I haven't slept this late in so long...!"  
  
"I know, I know. Me either. But, you know what? I felt too good to move..." With this, I get a wink, and he's got just about the cutest expression ever on his face... a mix of happiness and satisfaction, topped off with that ever-present slight smirk of Shaoran's.  
  
"Oh you did, did you... Guess we oughta do this more often, then?" I can tease, too, you know... Not that I wouldn't love it if we did... but I want to see his reaction. From the way he acted about sharing the same bed last night...   
  
"T-Tomoyo..."  
  
"*giggle* You know, Shaoran..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I haven't slept this well in ages~! You make an awfully good pillow..."  
  
"Ch! A pillow, am I? That's it?"  
  
"Haha... I never said that was *all* you were, love..."  
  
"...Good. Cause pillows don't do this..."  
  
He gently pressed his lips to mine... a chaste kiss, so sweet and gentle. An 'I'm glad you're here and I love you' type of kiss.   
  
Damn, do I love Shaoran.  
  
.  
  
Wow. Getting to sleep in his arms *and* waking up to multiple good-morning kisses?  
  
I could definitely get used to this....  
  
.   
  
"Oh, Shao-chan... I love you so much."   
  
"Tomoyo... I love you, too."  
  
.  
  
Settling back into his arms, I decide I don't want to move... ever again, if I don't have to. Lying here in Shaoran's arms, loved and protected... I couldn't be happier.  
  
.  
  
ring, ring, ring  
  
.  
  
"The phone..."  
  
"Do we have to answer it?"  
  
"*giggle* Of course we do, Shao-chan! What if it's something important?"  
  
"But what if it isn't? I'm comfortable..."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I am too... I love being here with you like this."  
  
"You... you do?"  
  
"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"I-I don't know. I guess I just thought..."  
  
.  
  
ring, ring, ring...  
  
.  
  
"Thought what, silly? You know, I... Actually... let me answer the phone before I continue that thought."  
  
"Right."  
  
I brush a ghost of a kiss over his lips before getting up... I'm really enjoying this a little too much, aren't I?  
  
.  
  
"Hello? Li residence..."  
  
"Tomoyo?!"  
  
"Sakura-chan! What's wrong? Why so surprised?"  
  
"Well, nothing really... It's just that I was calling Shaoran to see if he knew where you were! I've been calling your house all morning! I originally wanted to ask if you wanted to go shopping with me... there's a cute new store opening downtown today! But, then I got a little worried when you weren't home, because your maid said you hadn't returned at all last night... Wait a minute! Does that mean..."  
  
"Oh, I'd love to go with you, Sakura-chan! ...Does that mean what, though?"  
  
"You didn't go home last night... you're at Shaoran's house this morning... Ne, ne! Tomoyo-chan, you didn't...?"  
  
"What? *NO!* Gods, Sakura-chan, you know me better than that, don't you? I fell asleep watching a movie! It was late, so I spent the night!"   
  
.  
  
Heat's rising to my cheeks... I can feel myself blushing. Of course I... how could Sakura-chan think such a thing?! I mean, I love Shaoran and all... it's not that I wouldn't want to... it's just that... call me old-fashioned, but... I mean... I...  
  
.  
  
"Haha... okay, okay~! Actually, that's prolly good. Because, I mean, I know you love each other and all... and you've known each other a long time, but you've been going out, what, three weeks?"   
  
.  
  
There we go, that's exactly it... three weeks isn't exactly a long term relationship.  
  
Well, that and the fact that I'm still not sure about how serious Shaoran is about me.  
  
Wait, scratch that last thought. You're not doubting him anymore, remember, Tomoyo? You should never doubt love. Didn't that nightmare show you what would happen if you did?  
  
.  
  
"Yeah, three weeks exactly! So... do you still want to talk to Shaoran?"  
  
"No, that's okay... I've found you already~!"  
  
"All right~! So, what time do you want to go shopping?"  
  
"Hmm... well, it's kind of late to go today, unless you're ready to go now..."  
  
"No, I'm really not... sorry... I'd have to go home and change and all..."  
  
"No problem! Let's go tomorrow, then!"  
  
"Sure, sounds great!"  
  
"'Kay! Bye, Tomoyo-chan! See you tomorrow~!"  
  
"Bye, Sakura-chan!"  
  
.  
  
I feel kind of bad I worried her... But I'm glad I stayed here with Shaoran, anyway.  
  
Waking up next to him is the most wonderful feeling in the world.  
  
.  
  
"Ne, Shao-chan... now that we're up, what do you want to do?"  
  
"Hm... as much as I want to stay here, I guess we ought to stop by your house... the body-guards are probably freaking out."  
  
"Mou... I don't want to! They're so fussy... and they never leave me alone! I'd rather be here with you..."  
  
"...You mean that, Tomoyo?"  
  
"Of course I do!"  
  
"...Thank you."  
  
"You know I love you, Shao-chan..."  
  
"I... well, you know, we really should go, anyway. They're probably going to kill me for keeping you away so long without warning them first..."  
  
"Hmph. Fine... I'll go, but only cause you want me to~! Gah, it's so annoying that my mother won't let me get rid of them..."  
  
"Hey, you need *someone* to protect you..."  
  
"Oh? And why is that?"  
  
"Cause you're too damn beautiful to be left alone... too many creeps out there."  
  
.  
  
Aww... don't you just love the protective type?  
  
But I'd really much rather have *Shaoran* save me than those body-guards...  
  
.  
  
"Shao-chan..."  
  
"Let's go."  
  
.  
  
~~~~~azalea represents romance  
  
this chapter was relatively sappy... ack sorry bout that. as ive said before, writing pure sap/romance isnt exactly my forte... so please bear with me till i can go back to the plot ^_^ (itll only be like another chapter or two before it comes back) 


	27. Pansies

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
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over 100 reviews... i dont know what to say! im shocked! thank you sooo much, guys! youre the best reviewers ever... ^_^  
  
and on another note... gah what is up with ff.net lately?! sorry i didnt post this sooner, it told me that login had been temporarily disabled, or something like that... T_T  
  
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Kichi-chan~ glad you liked the chapters! sorry, i dont have any other tomoyo x shaoran fics (at least not yet...) im happy you'd read them if i wrote them, though... so i guess ill think about writing some! ^_^  
  
Dark_Syaoran~ ^_^ thanks! and your fics are definitely as good as mine, dont be so hard on yourself~  
  
Simplicity~ hmm we'll just have to see what happens, wont we? dont worry tomoyo wont lose the love of her life. ^_^ yeah i would have thought the same thing, too, if i was in sakura's place...   
  
bratz-fan-girl~ haha im so glad youre so enthusiastic about my story! im not sure what chapter (ill prolly go to 30, just so its an even number) but i know what part of the plot im going to end this at. and then there's gonna be the sequel! yay! ^_^   
  
Serenity Blossom~ fine fine you can have shaoran when im done with him ^_^ just dont hurt him too much okay? (and you may have to share with tomoyo...) haha a *lot* of the reviews are from you! my most devoted reader~ ^_^ thanks so much! damn you figured it out... actually i know its a lot of reading, so im gonna end this one soon and start the sequel. i think people who havent read it yet see 26 chapters and go ah i dont wanna read something that long... ^_^ dont worry though itll just be a continuation of this plot.   
  
Ellie~ yes, im getting to what the parents think... (scary scary) im thinking tomoyos mom is gonna be kinda hard to write though. but ill do my best ^_^ shaoran doesnt seem like the kind of person that would want to go shopping, though... hmm ill have to think of things for him and tomoyo to do ^_^  
  
D a r k n e s s in H e a r t~ wow you like my sense of humor? :D thanks soo much! ^_^ im really flattered! i dont get that a lot. people usually just say im cynical. T_T haha dont worry, though~ ill keep up with the updates! ^_^ you dont have to be so nice about it... i really dont have a life. but its on purpose... i like not having a life, so its all good ^_^ although itd be fun to keep you guys in suspense, id feel bad... personally it drives me crazy. (so i cant do that to my faithful readers, now can i?)  
  
Lil-ChiBi-Person~ ^_^ glad you like it~! Chapter 18, huh? Sorry its so long . i hope you like the rest too though!  
  
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~~~~~Chapter 26: Pansies~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
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Ugh, I'm bored.  
  
It's sad, but I really *don't* have anything to do when Sakura and Tomoyo aren't around... This town's kinda small, and the guys at work are kind of, well, annoying. All they talk about is sex and sports. Ch. Well, I'm not being fair... sometimes they talk about cars, too. ...I guess it's a matter of the way I was raised, but still... those aren't exactly my choice topics of conversation.  
  
Well... actually, I guess it's good Tomoyo's out shopping with Sakura... As much as I love her, it's really for the best, right? I really need some time to think... I mean, this all really is more complicated than I'd like it to be.  
  
Hn. I hate complications.  
  
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I... I know I want to marry Tomoyo. I'm going to do all I can to make that happen. And... asking her to marry me... that's not exactly a 'nothing' decision. It's not a spur of the moment thing, either. I actually love her. I'm not really the type to admit to stuff like that, or even acknowledge it.  
  
It's kind of scary.  
  
But, that aside, what now? Do I propose first, then go to Hong Kong? Do I go to Mother first?  
  
Well, I love Tomoyo, and Mother's objections aren't going to change that... but will it make Mother angrier if I don't tell her my intentions before I propose? If I don't warn her that I'm not marrying Sakura, and that I'm planning on marrying someone else?   
  
I know there's the whole 'for the good of the family' thing... but does she really expect me to consult her first? And, how could she say no? Would she really deny me happiness like that? Isn't that kind of... medieval?  
  
Not that it really matters... I won't let Mother stop me. Whether she says yes or no, I'm going to marry Tomoyo.  
  
Well, that is, if she accepts me.  
  
All I know is that I love her and waking up next to her felt so... right.   
  
Does she feel the same way? I think she does...  
  
Oh, never mind that, Shaoran. If you don't ask, you'll never know for sure, right?  
  
Maybe I should propose *before* I go to Hong Kong. That way, Mother won't even *try* to dissuade me.  
  
Or will she?   
  
No, she's more realistic than that. She knows when she's lost. And this really isn't the freaking middle ages! I don't need permission to ask my girlfriend to marry me. If she agrees, *then* we can go ask for Mother's blessing.   
  
And, if she refuses to give it... well, that's just too damn bad for her.  
  
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But, um... How the hell does one go about proposing, anyway?  
  
It's not like me to make it all romantic like they do in the movies... and I'd just mess it up. And I don't want to do anything flamboyant or embarrassing like those people you hear about on TV. You know, the people with the sky-writing or proposing over loud-speakers at baseball games or other things like that... If I tried something like that, the only question would be which one of us would die of embarrassment first; me or Tomoyo.   
  
Probably me.  
  
Should I just go for something basic? You know, the whole 'go down on one knee' thing? That'd work, wouldn't it?  
  
I mean, Tomoyo knows me damn well. And, if she loves me like she says she does, she'd realize that that was just a typically 'me' thing to do, and wouldn't mind that it wasn't all creative and original, wouldn't she?  
  
I guess that's what I'll do... something 'typically me' sounds like the best way to go. If she loves me, she loves me for who I am, right? I mean, I definitely wouldn't want *her* to do something totally out of character because she loved me.   
  
Well... I'd love her no matter *what* she did... but I wouldn't want her to change for me. No way.  
  
...I really don't wanna ask Meilin or Sakura for advice again. Not that their advice was bad the last time... I'll never say it, but they were actually helpful. I never would have confessed to Tomoyo without them. It's just that, well, I kinda want *Tomoyo* to know I want to marry her before they do.   
  
Ah... that reminds me... Meilin still doesn't know we're even together, does she? She's gonna kill me for not calling her. I guess I'd better do that sometime soon...  
  
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And, even before planning a way *to* propose, don't I need a ring? How the hell does one shop for something like that? I have no idea about jewelry!  
  
It's not like I don't know Tomoyo's ring size. 5 1/2. Don't ask me why I know that... I just do.  
  
Ch, fine. ...It's fun to buy your girlfriend jewelry, all right? Or anything, for that matter. It makes her happy.  
  
And the rewards for making her happy are *very* nice.  
  
But how do I pick one? I don't really know anything about jewelry. I mean, what I've gotten her before was just little things, things that I saw and thought 'That'd look great on Tomoyo...'. Nothing as important as this.  
  
Maybe I *should* go to Hong Kong first... my sisters would be able to help with something like this...  
  
No... I really don't want help. I'm doing this on my own. I want this to be entirely planned by me. I want it to come from the heart.  
  
For my Tomoyo... 'cause she's worth it.  
  
Uhm... but, if I went to a jewelry store, they'd be able to explain stuff, right? I mean, I'm sure there are lots of guys with no idea about jewelry, trying to buy engagement rings for their girlfriends.   
  
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Engagement... I never thought a single word would make me feel like this. It's like being happy and nervous at the same time, but worse. What the hell's wrong with me? I *know* she loves me, she told me so... I mean, she *is* going out with me and all, right? If I feel this strongly, isn't there a good chance she does, too? But then again... she's so perfect, I don't know... what the hell is she thinking, dating me of all people? Why would she want *me*?  
  
Either way, I'm pretty sure Tomoyo will say yes... at least, I hope so. But I really feel that she will. I don't know why. Call it instinct. Or maybe just call it optimism. How 'bout blind faith? I don't know... but it's something. And, whatever it is, I really hope I'm right.  
  
Guess there really isn't anything left to think about, then, is there? I'm gonna propose to an angel... my Tomoyo-chan... Gods, I hope she accepts.  
  
Guess that means I'd better go out and look for a ring, huh?  
  
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~~~~~pansies are supposed to represent the thoughts of lovers.  
  
ah i know this chapter kinda came from nowhere. i was going to write about sakura and tomoyo shopping, but i decided i really needed to get back to the plot. ^_^ sorry bout that, if anyone really wanted to hear about them shopping. and sorry this chapter was kinda choppy. . i think the next ones better (sorta)  
  
does anyone think im getting too predictable? 


	28. Chrysanthemum

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
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lots of thanks to my reviewers~  
  
Simplicity~ ^_^ happy you didnt wanna hear about shopping, either. cause i really didnt feel like writing it~! yeah i know what guys in jewelry stores are like... and its definitely not a good thing. at least the ones i know, anyway... soo i hope you like this chapter ^_^  
  
Dark_Syaoran~ haha i know im predictable. but that makes it fun! (?) glad you liked the chapter though ^_^  
  
Serenity Blossom~ engagement drama, yay! dont you wish you had shaoran acting like this over you? haha, i definitely do ^_^  
  
AnimeGal~ glad you liked it ^_^ haha youre bored, huh? hope the chapter helps to fix that~! dunno if it will, but... ^_^   
  
bratz-fan-girl~ too lazy to read? i know the feeling... happy you liked it though~  
  
Lil-ChiBi-person~ yay! but now you have to wait until when i post, which kinda sucks... . sorry ill try to post quickly~ omg you are SO great... thanks so much for reading my KH fic~!!!!!! i was like yay~ Lil-ChiBi-person's from Dreams!!!!!! ^_^  
  
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ah, im posting two chapters... because of my guilty conscience . it took me forever to update!  
  
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~~~~~Chapter 27: Chrysanthemum~~~~~  
  
Sakura's POV  
  
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You know what I love? Random surprises. You know, the kind that catch you completely off-guard and just make your day.   
  
The kind I got when I went to visit Otousan, and found a letter from Mizuki-sensei waiting for me.  
  
Waii! I haven't heard from her in *forever*! I can't wait to read it!   
  
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"Oi, Kaijuu."  
  
"Oniichan!! I am *not* a monster! And I'm not 13 anymore, either! Stop picking on me, already!"  
  
"Why should I, when you still rise to the occasion?"  
  
"Haha... To-ya, be nice to Sakura-chan! if you pick on her, she might go home... and we haven't seen her in weeks! Besides, she's too pretty to be a monster."  
  
"Really!? Thanks, Yukito-niichan!"  
  
"...Sometimes I wonder about you, Yuki..."  
  
"And what exactly do you wonder about, hm, To-ya?"  
  
"Well, for one, whether or not you like her better than you like me."  
  
"Oh, is that it? ...Sakura-chan. Definitely."  
  
"Waiii! Yukito-niichan! Thank you! Daisuki!"  
  
"Haha, anytime, Sakura-chan."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Jealous, Oniichan?"  
  
"Over that idiot? No."  
  
"Ne, To-ya, you know I love you. Stop sulking."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I know. Ne, Yuki?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"..."  
  
Wow! They're having this, like, mental conversation or something... just through looks. I don't know how, but Yukito always seems to read Oniichan's mind... I wish I had someone that could do that! They really are just perfect together! It's sooo cute... I bet nothing could ever separate them!  
  
"Um... I'll go see if your father needs any help with anything! I'll be right back, Sakura-chan."  
  
"'Kay, Yukito-niichan!"  
  
"Sakura."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do me a favor. Wait 'till later, okay?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"The letter, I mean. It's from Kaho, right?"  
  
"Yeah... Oh! Ooh, I get it. Okay!"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
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Ever since Yukito became aware of Yue, he's taken on some of Yue's characteristics. And Yue has a bit of a jealous streak... so it's best to not remind Yukito of Kaho. He won't admit it, but the thought of Oniichan being in love with her the way he was so long ago makes him a little sad. I don't really see why, though... it's not like Oniichan would ever leave him or anything. And, deep down, Yukito knows that... or at least that's what Yue tells me. I guess he's just kinda insecure.  
  
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"Hey, Oniichan!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"How'd you make Yukito-niichan go away?"  
  
"I-I didn't make him go away! I just told him I wanted to talk to you!"  
  
"With your *eyes*?! You can do that?! Sugoi!! You guys are adorable!"  
  
"Adorable? Hn. Yuki, maybe. Not me."  
  
"Whatever you say, Oniichan... so, anything else you wanted to talk about?"  
  
"'Where's the brat?!" Right, To-ya?"  
  
"Yuki!"  
  
"Sorry, your dad asked me to come get you guys... dinner time. But that *is* what you were thinking, ne, To-ya?"  
  
"Hn. I was wondering when you'd come back. You can practically read my mind, after all. That freaking magic of yours..."  
  
"Yeah, I know, but that's why you love me, isn't it?"  
  
"Hn. No. I love everything about you."  
  
"Aww, To-ya... you're so sweet."  
  
"Kawaii! Just kiss him already, Oniichan!"  
  
"Why? To make your yaoi-fangirl dreams come true?"  
  
"No! Because you love me!"  
  
"Tch. I thought you liked the kaijuu better?"  
  
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I just love coming to Otousan's for dinner. His cooking's just great! I mean, Oniichan's isn't bad, and Yukito's is pretty good... even mine's not awful, but Otousan's still the best. I kinda miss living here... but at least we all live close together. I can see Otousan and Oniichan whenever I want!  
  
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"So, Sakura, where *is* the brat?"  
  
"Shaoran's not a brat, Oniichan! But he's not coming."  
  
"Really? Why, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Yes, has something happened, Sakura?"  
  
"No~! No, no, no! Not at all!"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"All right..."  
  
"Then what happened, Kaijuu? You usually can't resist a chance to torment me with that kid."  
  
"He's with Tomoyo-chan today!"  
  
"Really. That's a little... odd..."  
  
"So they're friends? That's great! I didn't know they were close! I guess we'll get to see Li-kun next time, then?"  
  
"Um, yeah, they are! And, sure, if you want to!"  
  
"We *don't*."  
  
"Oh, To-ya."  
  
"Sakura, don't worry about your brother... personally, I think Li-kun is a very nice boy."  
  
"Uh, thanks, Otousan. But, don't worry about it... we're just friends. We kinda broke up."  
  
"What did that brat do to you!?"  
  
"Nothing, Oniichan! I promise!"  
  
"Then what happened, Sakura-chan?"  
  
"I dunno, nothing really. We just kinda grew apart."  
  
"Well, it does make sense, Sakura. You two were awfully young, after all."  
  
"Yeah, guess you finally came to your senses. I'm proud of you, Kaijuu."  
  
"You're still friends, though, right? You said he was with Tomoyo-chan."  
  
"Yeah! Um, they're my two best friends, you know!"  
  
"Sakura, you could have invited them! They're always welcome here... you know that, right?"  
  
"Yeah! Thanks, Otousan! They were just kinda busy today."  
  
"Oh. Together?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
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Talk about your awkward conversations. I'm not really the one to tell them about Tomoyo and Shaoran, and, well, I really don't feel like explaining the whole thing, anyway. So I guess I'll just leave it for now. Family dinners are fun. We only have them once a month... so I'm gonna enjoy it!  
  
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Only halfway home, and I can't stand it! I want to read my letter from Mizuki-sensei... I haven't heard from her in so long! And she's always got something useful or important to say. I'm excited. I wonder what it's about? Oh, forget waiting until I get home, there's a bench right here. One of the many benefits of living where I do; the walk to Otousan's house is short (not to mention to Oniisan and Yukito's) and I get to walk through Penguin Park to get there! I love that place... so many memories.  
  
Anyway, time to read my letter.  
  
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Dear Sakura-chan,  
  
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I've been thinking about Tomoeda lately, and I may come visit sometime soon; it would be nice to see you all again.  
  
I know it's been a long time since I've written. I doubt you still live at this address, but, as it's the only one I have, I can only hope this reaches you. I have a feeling it will.  
  
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I have one thing to say to you: Go for it. It was meant to be.  
  
This may seem a little strange, but, I believe you know what I'm referring to. I wish you all the best.  
  
Everything will turn out wonderfully, I'm sure of it.  
  
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Stay well, and please keep in touch if you have the time; It's nice to hear from you.  
  
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Sincerely,  
  
Mizuki Kaho  
  
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'Go for it'? 'It was meant to be'? Does she mean what I think she means? But isn't he hers?  
  
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So there's hope?  
  
I can't believe it! This is great!  
  
I never thought anything like this would happen! First Shaoran, then me?  
  
Gods, I hope she's right!  
  
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~~~~~chrysanthemums represent hope.  
  
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well, this came out of nowhere... but if sakura's gonna get a guy, i have to try to put it into the story *somewhere*, dont i? so its a simultaneous kinda thing, I guess. this is happening while other stuff is happening with shaoran and tomoyo. and, yes... i realize i put in some shounen ai... sorry bout that for those of you that dont like it . but it couldnt be helped! i mean touya and yukito... its part of the plot of CCS! and its adorable! i had to put it in! ^_^ 


	29. Strawberry Tree

~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~  
  
Shaoran x Tomoyo  
  
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~~~~~Chapter 28: Strawberry Tree~~~~~  
  
Shaoran's POV  
  
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"Hello! May I help you, dear?"  
  
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An older woman, probably in her late 50's, is sitting primly behind the counter in the jewelry store. She seems nice enough... thank God, I was afraid it would be some nasty old lady or some useless guy that didn't care at all about his job. I'm lucky. Maybe this woman can help me. Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought...  
  
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"Uh... yeah. I'm looking to buy an engagement ring..."  
  
"Ah, I see. They're over here, if you'd like to look for a bit before choosing..."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
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...I take it back.   
  
Hundreds of rings that all look basically... the same. Wow. This is going to be fun. Riight.   
  
How the hell am I supposed to pick one if I can't tell the difference?  
  
And they've all got prongs, but no stones... a stone's supposed to go in there, right? It'd look funny without one...   
  
What kind of stone goes into an engagement ring, anyway?  
  
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"You look confused... want me to explain something, dear?"   
  
"Yeah, uh, is there any difference between them? Besides the type of metal, I mean."  
  
"Well, there are subtle variences in style... This one over here is a six-prong solitaire setting, while this one is a four-prong..."  
  
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I sweatdrop.   
  
They look exactly the same... does this woman honestly believe there's a difference?  
  
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"And... they're different *how*?"  
  
"A four-prong shows off more of the stone, but the six-prong is more secure."  
  
"Ah, right. What's that one over there?"  
  
"Oh! That's a Cathedral solitaire setting. The band is slightly wider than it is in the other settings..."  
  
"I like that one... So, um, what stones go into engagement rings?"  
  
"Oh, my, you don't even know that? Why, diamonds, of course! You really *are* devoted, aren't you... That's awfully sweet. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you."  
  
"Yeah, well... it's really the other way around. I'm lucky to have *her*..."  
  
"Aww! You really are in love, aren't you? I remember when my husband proposed to me..."  
  
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Gah, please don't tell me she's going to give me the history of her life... I just want to find a ring and get out of here, already! I still haven't thought of a way to propose, or what exactly to say to Mother... and I really want to spend some time with Tomoyo before the weekend's over. I don't think I can go a whole week without seeing her pretty face for more than a few minutes at a time... and she works so damn hard, she's almost never home on weekdays!  
  
I wonder how she'd react if I went to visit her at work? No... she'd probably get mad at me. She takes her work way too seriously, if you ask me.  
  
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"...and I was crying, because I was just so happy... but my husband was so worried I'd refuse! I hope you don't feel that way, too, dear... no girl could say 'no' to a boy as handsome as you!"  
  
"Uh... thanks?"  
  
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Good timing! I started paying attention just as she was finishing her boring story...   
  
Although I *do* feel that way. I *am* worried... She obviously hasn't met Tomoyo. If she had, well... she wouldn't be so confident in me, either. There are girls, and then there's Tomoyo. It's kinda like the difference between weeds and roses. Not even worth comparing.  
  
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"So, which metal would you like to have this set in? Yellow gold? White gold? Platinum?"  
  
"White gold, please."  
  
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Yes, white gold would look great on my Tomoyo... not that anything could look bad, but it compliments her coloring so much more than yellow gold would... and platinum just sounds wrong for an engagement ring, at least to me. Makes me think of chemistry class. And hard-core weaponry. Platinum, plutonium, same difference.  
  
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"My, my, you seemed to decide that quickly! I take it you've done some thinking about this beforehand?"  
  
"No, I just know my girlfriend... I think it would look great on her, especially with her pale skin and lavender hair..."  
  
"She sounds beautiful. And you look so cute with that dreamy look on your face...!"  
  
"W-what?! I'm *not* cute... and I was just stating a fact..."  
  
"Haha, all right, dear. Sorry."  
  
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Damnit, stupid woman making me blush like that... being in love with Tomoyo's making me soft. 'Dreamy' look on my face? What the hell?   
  
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"So, what kind of stone do you want set in it? Emerald cut? Round? Princess? Radiant?"  
  
"Well... I know what round looks like, but that's about it, so..."  
  
"Oh! Sorry, I forgot... you're new at this. Round, is, well, round; an emerald cut stone is rectangular with rectangular facets; princess cut is square with pointed corners, and radiant is square with trimmed corners."  
  
"Ah...o~kay..."  
  
"Here, hon, look at these."  
  
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Okay. That makes it easier... at least I can see what she's talking about, now.  
  
That one... it stands out. I bet Tomoyo'd like it... at least I hope so, anyway.  
  
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"How about... this one?"  
  
"Oh, the radiant cut? That's a very nice stone, especially in the setting you've picked. You've got good taste, dear! I'm sure it will look wonderful on her."  
  
"Yeah, I know it will... everything does. I just hope she likes it."  
  
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Like I said, anything and everything looks good on Tomoyo... I'm really not concerned about that at all.   
  
I just... how the hell am I supposed to propose!? What the hell can I say, do, to make her want to marry *me*?  
  
I absolutely *hate* when I don't know what to do... it makes me feel weak.  
  
But, doesn't everything about Tomoyo in general make me feel weak?   
  
It does. In a good way, but it still does. Just thinking about her, I feel like a teenage boy with a crush again. Even though we're going out, I feel insecure, like she'll reject me.   
  
Is this what love is?  
  
Damn, I hope she'll marry me...  
  
'Cause I don't know what I'd do without her.   
  
Wandering out of the store, I check my watch; 1:27. I've still got some time to kill before I'm supposed to meet Tomoyo and Sakura. Hn. *Now* what am I supposed to do? Maybe I just ought to go home for a while... this is all so emotionally draining. Maybe I'll sleep for a few hours or something.  
  
I've got too much on my mind...  
  
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~~~~~strawberry trees represent esteemed love (dont ask me why, i've no idea)  
  
um... right. ill be more interesting next chapter. 


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